


This Time Around

by ForeverInIdle



Category: WTFock | Skam (Belgium)
Genre: Angst, Falling In Love, First Kiss, First Love, First Meeting, Fluff, Honestly I just miss them so much, Hotel Scene, M/M, More Fluff, Nurturing Zoe, SO MUCH FLUFF, Sick Robbe, Slow Burn, but not too slow, manic sander, we love mama bear Zoe, writing helps
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-02-05
Updated: 2020-05-27
Packaged: 2021-02-27 19:15:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 22,369
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22570852
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ForeverInIdle/pseuds/ForeverInIdle
Summary: Sander and Robbe falling in love all over again.
Relationships: Sander Driesen/Robbe IJzermans
Comments: 12
Kudos: 228





	1. You Have No Idea

**Author's Note:**

> The focus shifts within the chapters.

Standing in the far corner of the dimly lit party with some friends, Sander is offered a blunt but he swiftly denies "I'm good trying to quit" he lies. In reality, Sander isn't supposed to smoke and he knows that, he also knows if Britt were to catch him she'd never shut up about it, so he decides then and there the weed wasn't worth it.

Not much has been worth it to Sander Driesen lately, being an artist he expected so many things to happen but the year is almost up and Sander isn't sure what he has to show for it yet. A bunch of unfinished work, a relationship he isn't sure is going anywhere, and worse an illness he's pretty sure is killing him.

Here he stood amidst a huge party with his friends and a devoted girlfriend and yet nothing felt right. Sander is experiencing something he's felt many times before, the unsteady heart rate and inability to keep his eyes still. He's felt it happening for days now, but this time choosing to ignore it is proving difficult. In the middle of this party, Sander could feel himself lose control and there's nothing to hold on to-

The moment Dance Monkey starts piercing through their ears, everyone joins each other on the dance floor letting the song guide their bodies. As he's eyes find it hard to keep up with his surroundings, Sander decides to shut them just for a second. With his eyes shut Sander decides that the first thing he sees when he opens them he will focus on that thing until he regains the ability to focus on one thing without help. What a trap that thought was.

With everything happening around him Sander shoots his eyes open and the first thing they land on he wasn't expecting. With the perfect view Sander watches the boy standing across the dark room eyes on the tall guy next to him as they share a blunt and whisper to each other. First thing Sander notices is his smile, wide and contagious, followed by the cutest brown eyes he's ever seen and there was no need to exaggerate, this boy had it. Sander wasn't sure what that was yet but thinking and staring at this boy made him forget almost instantly. Here's a secret, of all the times he's tried closing his eyes and focusing on one thing until the mania subsides this is the first time it's actually worked so well.

Sander knew himself, he knows there's no way he'll be able to go on with this party and not at least know that boy's name. What does he do? And how can just a t-shirt and baggy jeans look so good on someone? Realizing he's spent too long staring at the pretty boy with the nice smile, Sander decides to move from his trusty wall, time for some recon.

"There you are" Britt finds him as Sander tries making his way through everyone, "Noor's finally here I want you to meet her"

"Can I meet her later I need-" he looks over and after taking his sights off of the boy for a second Sander lost him. "Damnit" he reacts

"What?" Britt looks towards where he's looking and sees nothing "ça va?" She asks turning back to her boyfriend

"Yeah yeah let's go meet your friend" he decides he can always find the boy later.

Taking his hand Britt leads him in the opposite direction, walking through the party the couple doesn't stop until Britt spots Noor in a corner. With less noise and perfect access to the bar, Sander stares at the bottles on the shelves more interested in what he'll want to drink than meeting anyone Britt wanted him to meet. That is until- "baby this is my old camp mate Noor"

Britt introduces and Sander's eyes were on Noor but only for a split second because lo and behold stood the boy and his friends behind Noor, not even paying attention to him. "It's so nice to finally meet you" Noor comes close hugging him, "Britt talks about you so much!" Sander didn't know meeting Noor meant he'd get to be so close so soon, and if that wasn't enough with his head still over Noor's shoulder Sander watches as the boy's eyes move from the people around him landing directly in Sander's gaze.

Their eyes met and Sander could tell just the stare shifted something in the boy too, rearranging his stance the boy watched the small smile growing on Sander's face as he's unable to look anywhere else.

"Oh and this is Jens and Robbe they go to school with me" Britt quickly introduces them

"What's up, man?" Jens gives a quick handshake

Now it's Robbe's turn... Robbe he thinks trying not to smile. The smaller boy didn't step forward for a handshake, instead, he does a quick wave and repeats his name "Robbe."

Being close enough now Sander could study him, the way his dark hair curls up, his brown eyes sparkling in the intense neon lights, Sander's eyes moved down to his lips, barely parted in a smile exposing the cutest smile lines Sander's ever laid eyes on.

Taking the rest of the party Sander drinks, talks to his friends, and dances with his girlfriend, all while very aware of a boy he'd rather meet, a boy he needs to say at least one word to. Sander is sure the boy is very aware of him now, because every chance he gets to look over at Robbe he finds him already staring and the two catch each other, but when Sander smiles Robbe just looks away. He has to be shy Sander thinks, usually, anyone interested in Sander would just come and say it, but this boy isn't doing that if anything he's keeping as much distance between him and Sander as possible.

More time has passed and Sander was ready to say something, this wasn't like him, to see someone he likes and not say the first words. Sander needed to check himself because if he isn't careful this one will slip right through his fingers. Finally detaching himself from Britt, Sander walks to the bathroom, not to use it but because he needed a pep talk.

There's someone out there who in the first seconds of laying eyes on him, Sander’s able to forget— everything. That's someone he needs to know. You are Sander Driesen you've gotten phone numbers even when you weren't asking for them, one guy cannot be so difficult. Running his hands under the faucet water as he looks at himself in the mirror, Sander runs a wet hand through his blonde hair preparing how he'll do this.

"No Milan you don't have to wait up for me I'm not a child and I have a key-" a voice walks out of a stall. Not bothering to turn Sander gets a perfect view of the boy through the mirror. Stopping in his tracks when his eyes meet the bleach blonde Robbe says "ok bye Milan" and hangs up.

Making the phone disappear in his pocket Robbe swallows hard before taking steps towards the sink next to Sander. Very hyperaware of each other everything else fades away, taking the opportunity Sander says "nothing like a significant other to make you feel like a newborn baby"

After taking in the deep voice speaking Robbe doesn't turn, instead, he reacts by scoffing "oh gross Milan is not my significant other... he's no one's significant other."

"Oh sorry I assumed anyone who's waiting up for you must be-"

"A dad" Robbe cuts him off, "he's more like a dad or a drunk uncle" Robbe laughs at his joke and Sander can't help his eyes from fixating on the boy's lips. When Robbe notices the green eyes practically staring through him the boy tries to avert the attention. "So how come I've never seen you around do you not go to the same school as us?"

"Nope I'm in art school"

"College?" Robbe asks interested and Sander nods, "and you're an artist?"

"Wow you know too many things about me, it's only fair if you tell me something about you now."

Sander watches as the boy thinks finding it so adorable that Robbe bits his bottom lip while his eyes wander the bathroom. When he's finally ready to answer Robbe meets Sander's eyes having to look up at the blonde boy a little and replies "my friends and I make YouTube videos."

Robbe watches the grin grow across Sander's face "no you don't" Sander tries not to laugh but Robbe nods making him snort before the laughter comes out. "Sorry it's not funny"

"You're still laughing"

"I'm trying to stop I swear," Sander notices the way Robbe watches him laugh he doesn't look mad, if Sander knew any better he'd think the boy actually liked seeing laugh. "There's nothing wrong with being a YouTuber, I'd love to see a video sometime"

"Absolutely not" Sander watches as Robbe absentmindedly pulls himself on the counter sitting between the sinks. "We do it for fun and as a joke, or at least I take it as a joke the others really want it to be a real thing"

"Why do you do it if it's not real for you?"

"Good question" Robbe looks at the boy standing next to him, "my best friend Jens said it'd be a good way to get out of my shell, apparently I'm shy"

"You don't think you are?"

"No I know I am, but no one likes to admit their flaws"

"You have flaws?" Sander asks jokingly "haven't noticed one yet" the second part isn't said as a joke and here's hoping Robbe didn't take it as one.

Sander watches as Robbe studies him, when his eyes land on Sander's shirt Robbe asks "who's that?"

Sander looks down at his shirt then back at Robbe stunned "who-" he opens his leather jacket so Robbe gets a better look "you don't know who this is?"

"I should?"

"Oh, Robbe you're hurting me this is Bowie" Sander waits for a reaction but Robbe stares blankly "you don't know who David Bowie is?" Robbe shakes his head "this is Britt all over again, they're teaching you guys the wrong things in high school."

"So are you gonna tell me who it is, or am I gonna have to google him after we leave?"

Smiling sander answers "he's an artist, my favorite artist"

"What kind of art?"

"Music, honestly I almost broke up with Britt for not knowing who David Bowie is"

"That a dealbreaker for you?"

"It was but now..." with pretty eyes, Sander ogled a bit "I'm not so sure."

"What do you mean?" Robbe meets his eyes and stares as Sander watches as if he's studying him, here in this very public bathroom they've forgotten where they were and found each other so captivating that not one person who's walked in the bathroom has disturbed their conversation.

Before Sander can answer the bathroom door swings open and in walks Jens, "Robbe What the fuck man? Why are you hiding in here we need you"

"I'm not hiding" Robbe quickly jumps off the counter, "I got distracted" He looks at Sander.

"Well come on Moyo and I talked Aaron into talking to Amber" Jens waits for his best friend

Sander looks at Robbe not wanting him to leave but knowing he can't trap him in this public bathroom forever "nice meeting you" the boy waves before heading towards the door with his friend.

"You have no idea" Sander let's out a sigh followed by a grin.


	2. Waiting For Forever

Robbe Ijzermans is indifferent, he believes there is nothing special about him just a normal teenager living a mundane life with friends, an ill mom, and a sexuality he is still confused about. Yes, Robbe is out but besides Jens, there was no real reason for him to come out, he doesn't think there's a boy out there for him and who knows maybe in a universe he's right... just not this one.

Nothing prepared Robbe for the moment his eyes would meet the bleach blonde hugging his friend, Sander stares directly at him as he hugged Noor. Their eyes locking lit a fire causing him to shift next to Jens, Sander pulls away and Noor talks to him but his eyes fixate, Robbe wished he could look away their staring was becoming obvious. Sander didn't seem to care though until Britt notices and decides to introduce the boys also

"Oh and this is Jens and Robbe they go to school with me" not a proper introduction but it'll do

After Jens shakes the boy's hand Robbe knows he's way too shy to even touch him so he waves and repeats, "Robbe" how lame he thinks, he wished he had said something better.

Monday morning is always a drag, but this particular Monday sucked more for Robbe. After spending his weekend combing through Sander's Instagram, Robbe could confirm no he wasn't being ridiculous for feeling like this after one conversation. Sander has been on his mind and he couldn't help it

So far he knows Sander is very good at art which probably means he takes art school seriously, and his style wasn't ironic, he does dress in the dark clothes, leather jacket, and Dr. Martens all the time. Robbe really liked it though, Sander seemed unlike any other-

"Hi, Robbe" the cheery voice irks Robbe so he knows exactly who it is

Turning from his locker "hi Amber" he pans over "Luca"

"Robbe Ijzermans Friday night 8 pm"

"What's at Friday night 8 pm Luca?"

"Our date, duh" she smirks as Robbe roles his eyes "and I want you to look exactly how you do now"

"Cut it out," he says to the curly-haired girl before turning back to Amber, "did you guys need something?"

"Yes," Amber smiles "so everyone's confirmed for seaside this weekend except you... are you not coming or..."

"I don't know" Robbe drops his head "I kind of want to be alone"

"Ok, thanks for letting me know" Robbe nods as Amber takes out her phone, "this is a good thing now there'll be room for Britt's boyfriend," she says nonchalantly but Robbe's heart lit up, not even at the sound of his name just the mention of Sander sets him off.

Amber and Luca turn walking away and Robbe sees his chance slipping "Amber wait," he walks after her until they turn back "I'll come too."

"Really?" She asks excited and Robbe nods "great"

"Good job changing your mind Robbe, you could've missed all of this" Luca points to herself

Robbe scoffs "you know I'm gay right?" She smiles shrugging as they walk away. 

All day he gets cryptic texts from his mom, sometimes they're of bible verses and sometimes Robbe thinks being in that institution is making her worse than better. Thank god for his flatmates, maybe less Milan but he's still thankful for Milan.

Home was great but sometimes that wasn't enough, Robbe feels hollow and knows something is missing but what? What could he possibly need at this time in his life?

"Hey YouTuber" Robbe hears behind him as he walks out of school, the deep voice could only belong to- Robbe turns to an unforgettable smile on a face he didn't expect to get better during the day. Sander is breathtaking and Robbe was not ready "I have a question, who's idea was it to tape you to that wall?"

Robbe sighs dropping his head embarrassed as Sander chuckles, "it was a collective idea to tape someone to the wall, but I was outvoted for being the smallest."

Sander couldn't help the laughter "well it was all very fun to watch, and you look really good on camera, and against walls," the complement and Sander's smile makes Robbe blush when he's trying his hardest not to.

"Please tell me that was the only vlog you watched"

"Oh Robbe" sander steps closer placing his hand on the boy's shoulder not realizing such a huge impact a small touch could have. "I had an entire weekend, the question is how many times did I watch them?"

Robbe couldn't help but chuckle not because his nerves are shooting through the roof, but because Sander admitted he spent his weekend watching Robbe's videos. Just like Robbe scrolled through his Instagram front and back. Finding he's left his hand there too long Sander moves it back to his side 

"I'm never going to convince you I'm cool am I?" Robbe asks as a joke

Sander's smile grows to a grin "you don't need to convince me I'm already sold." He's never gotten this many compliments Robbe wasn't sure how to take it, especially how Sander looks at him it's all confusing him, Robbe's having a hard time putting it together.

"Baby?" They hear and Robbe sees Britt over's Sander's shoulder, Sander turns and she smiles walking towards him "what are you doing here?" Britt asks pleasantly surprised to see her boyfriend

"Uh got out of class early" Sander tries his hardest to keep his focus on her as she comes to him cupping his face with her hands and kissing him.

Robbe wants to look away this is breaking his heart, but maybe this is what he needs to remind himself. There's no way Sander is anything but Britt's boyfriend, Robbe shouldn't even think about it.

Finding it time to go Robbe turns and keeps walking, telling Britt to wait, Sander rushes after the boy calling out his name "Robbe"

Robbe's never going to get used to the sound of Sander's voice saying his name, but he turns keeping his cool. The hurt is written across his face and Sander sees it, this isn't supposed to be a problem but they both know it is. Unsure what to even say as Robbe stares at him and his girlfriend waits, Sander pulls his phone from his pocket and Robbe watches.

When he's done doing whatever Robbe's phone vibrates in his hand and he looks down at the notification, Sander had followed him back finally and Direct Messages him a link.

Robbe looks back up at him and with a small smile Sander says "if you want to know me, this is a good place to start."

"Helloooo?" Milan pulls on the headphones covering Robbe's ear as he sits at the table in the kitchen pretending to do homework

"Milan stop it" Robbe pushes his hand away from his head

"Well I'm trying to get your attention and you're ignoring me, what are you even listening to anyway?"

"David Bowie" Robbe answers taking the headphones off placing it on the table

Milan gives him a weird look "you? Why?"

"Because none of your business" Robbe sighs, "what do you want Milan I need to finish my homework"

"Ok I have kind of a weird question that is very

Necessary"

"How necessary can it be if it's weird?"

"I don't know Robbe just listen, if a guy you've been texting for 2 weeks asks for a nude... do you or do you not include your face?"

Robbe frowns "what Milan?"

"I mean 2 weeks may not seem like a long time but he kind of feels like the one, I think he deserves face you know what I mean?" Milan waits for an honest answer to his ridiculous question

"Milan" Robbe looks at him, "please go away forever."

Not taking the hint Milan sits down "you're bitchier than usual" Robbe rolls his eyes at that comment, "Robbe talk to your guru what's the matter?"

Annoyed Robbe replies "you mean I should be happy about you bothering me with your garbage?" trying his best to deflect Robbe knows he can't help the way Milan can pull the truth out with just a look, maybe he is a real guru. Sighing unsure how to piece the words together Robbe starts "there's a guy I've spoken to like twice-"

"And you can't stop thinking about him?" Milan asks as if knowing exactly what Robbe is going to say

"It's weird" Robbe admits "it all happened so fast but... and he's straight, I can't like a straight guy right?"

"Robbe you can like whoever you want, maybe it's stupid to like a straight guy but you're new at this so be stupid." Milan chuckles causing Robbe to crack a smile, "who's the guy? Anyone I know?"

"Stop asking me questions and go away now," Robbe looks down at his book not wanting to talk about Sander anymore.

There's too much Sander happening in his mind right now, and it was all intense. Is this normal? To think about someone you barely know anything about, and yet Robbe felt like he knew so much already.

Wednesday after school Robbe sits alone at the skate park while his friends skate back and forth in front of him, he's been staring at his opened direct message between them for the past 2 days wanting to say something first but can't seem to come up with the right thing.

Space Oddity plays in his headphones as Robbe lets his thumbs do what he can't

 _Hey thanks for the playlist... Bowie is cool_

Unsure whether to send it or not Robbe's about to delete it all when Jens approaches "Robbe you got any weed?" Quickly pressing send instead and locking his phone Robbe looks up at his best friend and shakes his head, "you all right?" Jens sits next to him

"Yeah" Robbe pulls his headphones off letting them rest around his neck, "did Moyo come up with an idea for the vlog yet?"

Jens shrugs "I don't know but he's coming over tonight so we can think of one, are you coming?" Feeling like he doesn't really have a choice but to say yes Robbe meets his best friend's eyes about to answer when they hear his phone go off.

Looking at his screen too quickly Robbe sees the notification of a direct message from earthlingoddity, unlocking his phone the boy doesn't waste a beat opening the message completely ignoring Jens next to him.

_You're welcome I'm glad you like him :) ... are you busy? Do you want to hang out later?_

Trying to hide the smile peeking through Robbe types

_With you?_

_I can be there if you'd like ;)_

There was no hiding the smile this reply caused

_Stupid question, yes I want to hang out_

"I can't come over tonight I have to... study" Robbe lies to his best friend

"All right we'll just text you whatever we come up with."

Getting a text from Sander about where to meet and what time, Robbe feels himself mix excitement with nerves about what was to come, butthe fact that he knows he's seeing Sander tonight gave him something to live for.

Maybe Robbe did feel like his life wasn't special, that the most anyone would find interesting about him is his sexuality and the fact that he does dumb things with his friends on YouTube. Robbe grew tired of being indifferent though, after knowing Sander for a week Robbe knew what he wanted, to be more like him.

Sander Driesen seems so open, so ready to grab any opportunity and if there was none to grab he'll just create his own. Robbe wanted to know what makes Sander do and say the things he does, what gave him the idea to do that to his hair and it turning out as stunning as it looks. Robbe wanted to know so much.

After dodging a million questions from Milan, Robbe finally leaves home riding his bike to the address Sander sent leading him to a cafe. Drinks for their first hang out doesn't sound terrible at all Robbe thinks as he locks his bike. Checking the time on his watch he's a little early which isn't a problem because he needs a couple of deep breaths before seeing Sander anyways.

Walking to the cafe the boy goes inside and scans the room but no bleached hair in sight, deciding it best to wait outside Robbe stands on the side of the cafe and patiently waits.

Robbe Ijzermans has waited for a lot in his lifetime, maybe waiting for Sander for forever won't seem so bad.


	3. You Found Robbe

There was never a moment in his life Sander hasn't felt like someone was trying to control him, with overbearing parents and a girlfriend who thinks she knows what's good for him, Sander couldn't be the free spirit he is. His art was his escape, a sure-fire way to say what he was feeling to everyone he held his tongue back from. Sure everyone had a right to worry but Sander hated being treated like a fragile thing who'd break upon contact. Sander needed real freedom and he was so close to getting it, so close to something that could've been the perfect escape but he can feel it slip through his fingers before he's even grasped it.

"Sander I'm sorry" Britt follows her boyfriend as he storms away from her, "I was just worried-"

"How many times have I asked you not to go to them?" Sander turns asking with the meanest mug, "I always tell you if you think something is wrong with me, come to me first but fuck that right? Since you know better"

"Of course I don't know better that's why I went to them"

"Who asked you to?!" Sander raises his voice and the kids standing around the school exit turn to them, "you think you're helping but you're fucking not! All right? You don't know what it's like and you don't know what they're like"

"Sander I'm worried ok?"

"About what?! I'm fine"

"No, you're not!" Britt finally raises her voice at him but quickly calms it, "you haven't been acting like yourself lately and I can tell, if this is what I think it is then yes I think it's better your parents know then you running around at night having an episode."

"Wow let's see it then" Britt stares confused by the sentence, "since you're my fucking psychiatrist let's see your Ph.D." Britt roles her eyes. "You had no fucking right to tell them what you did, because of you I can't go anywhere or do anything until they're sure I'm not fucking manic"

"Well, are you?"

"No Britt this is me calmly telling you that you fucked up.... and I'm not having a fucking episode!" Once he's done Sander walks away leaving Britt on the sidewalk.

But of course, Britt wasn't done, rushing after him she yells "HEY!" Grabbing his arm she gets in front of him "I am right! You are acting weird" Sander groans "stop making me feel like I'm the problem"

"So it's me then? I'm the problem" word after word Britt breaks his heart

"That's not what I meant Sander" Britt tucks her hair behind her ears as the wind blows, calming her voice Britt begs "please admit something's changed." Her eyes lock in his and Sander understands what she means he doesn't want to but he does, "I know it's not me and yeah maybe it's not an episode... so what is it?"

What is it, really?

"What's wrong honey?" His mom asks as Sander is lost staring at the plate of food in front of him while he holds his fork

What isn't wrong? After a week of trying Sander finally gets to see Robbe again and because of Britt thinking he's having a manic episode, she tells his parents and they basically put him on house arrest. Correction, it's not mania and Sander is sure of it, nothing feels as right as what he feels for Robbe IJzermans, Britt is noticing that sander is distant and just blames his illness, she always does that when something is wrong between them.

2 days, he's been trying to get in touch with Robbe for 2 days but Robbe refuses to open his DMs or messenger, how's he supposed to explain why he didn't show up for their drink if Robbe won't let him? Sander knows it'd be weird to just show up at school to talk to Robbe where Britt could see them, and he doesn't know where Robbe lives.

"Nothing" Sander answers his mom feeling her touch his shoulder, he screwed it all up he thinks.

That night in bed Sander scrolls through the messages he's sent Robbe, and the one worrisome reply he got back

_Hey Robbe_

_I really need to explain about the other night_

_Can we try again?_

_Promise I didn't just ditch I had a problem I had to deal with_

_I'd get it if you're upset, I just need a chance to explain_

**From Robbe**

_No explanation needed don't worry about it._

After that any text he'd send Robbe didn't bother opening, how could he have fucked up so quickly? Sander thinks but isn't surprised, he believes he's really good at messing up the things he wants the most. Anything that could've happened with Robbe would've probably just caused problems for the brown-haired boy, and Sander doesn't want that he doesn't want to be the wrong thing in someone else's life. But he wanted to be in Robbe's life and he wanted Robbe in his life... more than anything.

Sighing the boy drops his phone picking up his sketchbook instead, laid in bed wide awake Sander finds himself flipping through till he stops at an unfinished sketch from the night before. Staring at it he brings his pencil to the paper tracing over lines as he tries to imagine every bit of how good Robbe looked sat up on the bathroom sink as they talked for the first time that night.

Finished with Robbe, Sander moves on to start drawing the mirror behind Robbe when he hears a knock on his door. Shutting the book and placing it back on the nightstand Sander answers "yeah?" Thinking it's his mom

But when the door opens the blonde hair peaks through Sander feels his chest tighten a bit, "Hey" Britt’s soft voice greets as she opens the door a little more. With just his lamp on the room is barely lit but they get clear views of each other. Sander doesn't say anything as he watches his girlfriend walk in shutting the door behind her, standing by the door Britt starts "I've been calling and texting you" he avoids looking at her, "but I know you've been ignoring them." Unable to get her boyfriend to say a word Britt takes small steps towards his bed, "Sander I'm sorry I told your parents I thought you were going manic, I shouldn't have done that."

"No, you shouldn't have" he finally speaks up turning his head to look at her, "nothing’s wrong with me, all right?" That couldn't be the furthest from the truth, it may not be his illness but Sander Driesen was not ok

"Yes I know" she finally sits on his bed "I'm sorry," she inches closer batting her pretty eyes as she tucks her pretty blonde hair behind her ears, "I hate it when we fight." Britt is pretty and she knows it, she also knows even if Sander is being distant now he fell for her charms once, Britt is sure she can get him to do it again. "We need each other" she moves her hand to his as Sander keeps his eyes anywhere but on her "you need me, Sander. Whatever's going on I'm the only one who can handle it, you know that right?" He doesn't say anything and Britt climbs the bed getting close enough to turn Sander's head to look at her, "Sander we can get through this."

"Okay" he quietly agrees, Sander can't help but believe Britt, no one else could handle him if he'd ever go manic. He's not sure he'd ever want Robbe to see him like that, so yes maybe Britt is right maybe she is the only person who'd ever be able to handle him at his worse.

Britt smiles intertwining her fingers in his "to make it up to you, I talked to your mom before I came in and convinced her to let you come to the beach."

"The beach?" Sander sits up confused "what are you talking about?"

"Remember I told you some friends and I planned a trip to seaside for a couple of days during break, we leave tomorrow."

"Britt I don't know if I want to go" Sander shakes his head pulling his hand away

"I think it's a good idea and so did your mom, you've been stressed you need to get away with your amazing girlfriend" she smiles trying to get him to smile too. "There's gonna be games, drinks, and weed which I promise I won't say anything about if you decide to smoke." Sander can't help but give in and giving Britt what she wants, he smiles pulling Britt closer and they lay down. Facing each other Britt adds "oh and also the _Broerrrs_ are filming a video for their YouTube and wants all of us to be in it, that should be fun."

"They're coming?" His eyes focus in Britt's as soon as she mentions the _Broerrrs_

"Yeah" she nods, "Jens' my ex, remember I told you about him?"

"I remember" Sander swallows as his mind wander- "Moyo and Robbe too?" She nods, Britt reaches her lips to Sander who's not in the mood to do anything with her, so Sander just pecks her on the lips and turns shutting off his lamp. "We should get some sleep," he whispers "I have an early class."

Rushing on his bike Sander finally makes it home and climbs off leaning the bike against his house. Pulling out his ringing phone Sander walks to the door answering, "Sander where are you? We already missed the bus with everyone else"

"I'm coming I just got home to grab my bag and I'll meet you at the bus stop, we'll catch the last bus" Sander walks into his empty house heading towards his room.

"Okay hurry" they hang up.

Sander’s actually mad at himself for being late, all day he's thought about what he'll say when he sees Robbe again. He's both excited and nervous to see the boy, as much as he misses Robbe, Sander is afraid Robbe won't forgive him and they'll never be anything, not even friends.

"You brought the camera?" Britt asks as Sander holds it around his neck

"I wanted to get some landscape shots of the beach in the morning" Britt nods,

"No fighting the next couple of days ok? We're going to relax and have fun" Sander quietly nods, it's easy to give Britt what she wants, she's relentless when she doesn't get her way and Sander hates when Britt gets like that. So he agrees to everything even when he doesn't want to.

Making it after everyone's settled and gone to bed Sander and Britt are stuck in the private room next to the girl's room, not making too much of it Sander and his girlfriend got ready for bed as Britt went on about how excited she was for tomorrow.

Sander on the other hand knew he'd probably get little sleep, he's not even sure what the right thing to say is when he finally sees Robbe. Should he apologize? Maybe give Robbe one of the many drawings in his bag, no one can stay mad at someone who gives them a drawing and sander knows this it's worked for him many times before.

Next morning being up first Sander checks the time _8:23_ as he quietly sneaks out of bed, he gets ready before everyone wakes up and grabs his camera walking to the beach. What are the chances Robbe would already be there? He asks himself, or Robbe would wake up early too and see him there, knowing Robbe he'd probably go the opposite direction.

After spending a couple of hours being distracted by the wind and the waves, Sander heads back to the house. This time the others were up and already playing around outside, when he gets closer everyone starts to greet him, and as he's saying hi Sander's eyes move to the doors where Robbe is walking out as he throws on his jacket. As soon as Robbe turns their eyes meet and Robbe freezes.

They both knew the other would be here so this isn't a surprise, it's just they can't help it. Everyone around you cease to matter when the love of your life appears taking your breath away. Sander found himself swallowing hard as Robbe approached them with Jens and Aaron stand next to him, Robbe stops in front of them his eyes having to look up at, Sander who hasn't taken his eyes off the boy once. "Hi" Robbe's soft voice spoke to him and would you believe just a hi can cause Sander to forget everything he prepared and just smile at the boy softly.

Jens and Aaron feeling a vibe step away to be distracted by something else, once facing each other alone with no one too close Sander breaks their eye contact looking down at his shoes, "Robbe-" he looks back up at the boy

"There you are" they hear Britt's voice walking out when she sees her boyfriend, "I've been looking for you all morning" she wraps an arm around his neck kissing him. "You found Robbe," she said pulling away, "hey Robbe" Britt greets the boy.

"Hi, Britt" Robbe flashes a fake smile.

Robbe couldn't look at Sander anymore and Sander could tell, he didn't want to stand there and watch the boy's girlfriend be all over him. "Robbe?" They hear someone else call his name and Robbe turns to see Amber, "can you help me unpack the food?"

"Yeah" he replies turning to leave, and all Sander can do is watch him walk away.


	4. Sander Is A Unicorn

Robbe IJzermans has liked one boy his entire life, when things were rough and Robbe felt like his life at home was falling apart... that was when he felt the most powerless. With his mom slowly deteriorating and his dad not doing much to help Robbe felt helpless. But there he was— the boy who was always by his side. The boy who slept over almost every night sharing his bed so Robbe wouldn't feel alone.

_Jens Stoffels_

Robbe wanted Jens more than anything and nothing drives you crazy more than wanting something you can't have. Every day he sat by and watched as Jens falls for Jana deeper and deeper, knowing he never had a real chance, not with his best friend at least. Maybe not with anyone. With a life he hated, a closet he felt trapped in, and a best friend who practically shoved his relationship in Robbe's face. The boy lost it.

With no control of his life, Robbe needed to do something, something that'll mean anything. Unsure what it is or what it even means, Robbe went on to do something he regretted the moment he did it. Knowing he couldn't have Jens was bad yes, but knowing anyone else could have him made Robbe sick. So, with no thought or consideration, he sabotages Jens and Jana's relationship which eventually lead to them breaking up.

The only way Robbe could've gotten his friends back after what he did was to confess, come clean about his sexuality and his feelings for Jens. So, yes Robbe came out for his best friend, and after much mending Robbe, Jens, and Jana were ok again. But he wasn't. Now Robbe's out with no real chance to find anyone, no one who'll care for him and be by his side like Jens was. 

Robbe IJzermans wasn't complete, there was always a part of him Robbe felt was empty, a missing piece he could never find— he isn't even sure he was looking.

Until

 _Him_.

There's no way Robbe was going to fall for another straight guy with a girlfriend, but that's just his luck! Because here he is sitting by a bonfire with his friends and the only thing on his mind was how he wished that were him on Sander Driesen's lap feeding him marshmallows and kissing his pretty lips.

—

Spending most of his time at seaside either with his friends or hiding out on the beach, Robbe hasn't given Sander a real chance to talk and explain and the blond has been trying his hardest to get a moment alone with Robbe.

Here's the logic, Sander already said his peace hearing another word out of his mouth wouldn't be good for Robbe, he knows what'll happen if he talks to Sander. He'll fall harder and hurt worse watching him with Britt, he didn't need that... not again.

Sander Driesen is a beautiful anomaly, a piece of art you're warned not to touch but want to anyway, so badly. Robbe knew exactly what it was about the boy that drove him so crazy, it was... _everything_. The way Sander looked at him, how his eyes would linger a little too long even if Robbe has noticed, how effortlessly hot and cool the boy was. With his hair always perfect no matter what he does with it, and a carefree attitude Robbe wanted so bad to explore. Robbe knew Sander without even trying, he knew Sander was the outgoing type, not afraid to wear his heart on his sleeve, very open about his passions, and a facial physique Robbe couldn't explain.

How does someone get to just walk around looking like him? So breathtaking and unbothered by it. Robbe wondered if Sander knew how he looked, how everyone else saw him. How Robbe saw him.

On their third day, Sander offered to make caricatures of everyone by the beach and the ones who agreed followed him there. Staying behind Robbe sits outside on his phone mindlessly scrolling through Instagram when Jana drops next to him.

"Can I borrow your charger? Mine's shit and my phone is on three percent"

"Yeah" Robbe nods getting up.

Heading inside Robbe walks into the shared room completely empty right now, reaching down by his bed to get his charger. Stopping in his tracks Robbe notices a folded piece of paper on his pillow, before picking it up he looks around at everybody else's pillows but they're all empty. Picking up the piece of paper Robbe unfolds it

Staring at the scrap of paper puzzled Robbe sits down on his bed studying what he's looking at.

He's sure he's staring at a drawing of himself, and Sander standing a distance away with a sad face, and underneath the drawing Robbe reads

_I wish you'd talk to me_

This hurts... maybe more than Sander intended. Here he was trying his hardest to be Robbe's friend, and Robbe feels like he's ruining it. Why does sander even want to be his friend? They seemed like complete opposites. Robbe knows he couldn't be Sander's friend at least not yet, maybe one day when his heart doesn't skip a beat when Sander just looks at him. But for right now, Sander needs to remain at arm's length— especially after this. He didn't know what things like this was doing to Robbe, now here he is frozen unsure how to look away from the drawing, unsure what it even meant.

"Hello?" Jana walks in "I'm at one percent now," she sees Robbe quickly fold the paper shoving it in his pocket. "What's that?"

"Nothing" he answers standing up, “sorry here" he hands her the charger.

"Thanks" Jana grabs it, "why didn't you go to the beach with everyone?"

Robbe shrugs "don't need a drawing to remind me how ugly I am," he jokes making Jana chuckle

"You are very far from ugly Robbe" her laughter dies, "and plus even if you were I'm sure Sander would've made you look good, he's a really good artist."

"Yeah I know" he raises his eyebrows trying to sound unimpressed. "Why didn't you go?"

"You ever not in the mood to dig sand out of your butt?" Robbe snorts nodding "anyway since we're the lames do you want to drink until everyone gets back?"

"Sure" he agrees and they leave the room.

The sun went down when everyone decided to come back, laughing together as they walked closely examining each other's pictures.

"Fucking finally!" Jana reacts standing up "you assholes been gone all day"

"Look at our drawings!" The girls join her as they all show her how great and funny Sander made them look.

"Robbe you have to see how fat Sander made Aaron's head!" Moyo laughs as they come to him sitting on the bench next to him.

"I feel like he did it on purpose" Aaron frowns

Robbe smiles as he takes the picture from Aaron looking at it, "or maybe you just have a fat head" Robbe jokes making the boys laugh.

"What'd you and Jana do all day?" Asks Jens

Shrugging Robbe answers "drank, kinda buzzed so I might go for a walk to clear my head.”

"No fuck that" Moyo reacts, "we're about to get the fire started, and Aaron said he'd teach us how to make- the um... what is it?" He looks over at Aaron

"S'mores" Aaron answers, "like Americans."

"Ok I'll probably be back by then I just need a few minutes,"

"Okay—" they watch him stand and leave.

Lying to his friends Robbe spends the night walking around the beach examining the crashing waves and the other houses. It's late now when he finally decides to head back, knowing for sure everyone would be in bed Robbe takes the time to sneak in and avoid Sander.

But what Robbe wasn't expecting was to find Sander sitting alone under the light bulb outside with his sketchbook. Stopping Robbe contemplates going back, Sander hasn't seen him yet he could totally turn back and wait a little longer, the boy couldn't stay up all night.

Turning on his heels Robbe lifts his foot to walk away but something makes him turn back, he couldn't live like this for another couple more days. They're here together and there wasn't much he could do about that. So he'll just walk by, whatever Sander has to say will just roll off his shoulders. Robbe IJzermans is stronger than that, he can handle-

"I can see you" Sander speaks not looking up from whatever he's sketching. Being caught Robbe panics but only on the inside. On the outside, he believed his _I don't give a fuck attitude_ would get him past Sander, but he was wrong. As he tries to make it past the boy Robbe is stopped when Sander says, "stop avoiding your friends because you don't want to be around me."

Finally putting his sketchbook down he looks up at Robbe who denies the accusation with a head shake, "I'm not—“

"They're starting to notice," Sander stands on his feet in front of Robbe boots laced all the way up, dark jeans and hair that Robbe is forcibly trying to not look at. "Worst part is I can't tell them it's not your fault it's mine, I made him hate me."

"I don't hate you" Robbe knows he could never.

"Really? Because we've been here three days now and any chance I get to say two words to you, you find a reason to walk away. If you didn't hate me you'd give me at least one minute to explain that I'd never abandon you like that."

"I already told you that wasn't necessary shit happens I get it"

"Robbe if you meant any of that you wouldn't be acting like this." Robbe knew how he was acting, Sander had every right to say that but he also hoped Sander would maybe take a hint and dropped the whole thing. "Look I wanted to see you that night and have a drink, all right? But something happened and my parents put me in jail." confused Robbe's eyebrows furrowed, "they even took my phone and everything."

"Why?"

"Who knows" Sander shrugs— "maybe they're jealous of me" he smiles

"Your parents are jealous of you?" Robbe repeats trying not to smile at how ridiculous that sounds

"They could be" trying his best to look at anything but sander in the face, Robbe can't help but feel Sander's beautiful green eyes burn two holes right through him. Even in the night sky, Sander's eyes sparkled. "Give me another chance?" He asks and Robbe fully prepares to make up an excuse for why they can't meet up once they go back, "drinks on me and I promise I won't leave you hanging this time." Say no Robbe just say no, Sander Driesen is dangerous. "Please—" the boy's eyes was making it all so hard for Robbe. How's he supposed to say no? Sander's grin and wandering eyes were very persuasive.

And Robbe knew no matter how secure he is in himself in this exact moment, all he wants to do is give Sander whatever he wants. "Sure okay"

"Yeah?" Sander's worried smile shifts

Robbe nods "yes of course."

—

It's Sunday and after a week at seaside Sander already wanted to see Robbe for their hang. Robbe was excited after agreeing to try again but here he is now, minutes from having to leave and meet Sander and he's second-guessing. Robbe is skeptical about this, yes he can have a drink with Sander, but it doesn't mean it won't be torture for him later when all he's thinking about is every word Sander says to him, and the way Sander looked at him. Robbe wasn't sure he could handle it—

"I was in the middle of a video chat with Lisa what is it?" Milan walks in the kitchen to find Robbe, Zoe, and Senne waiting "ooo what's going on" he grins "is someone in trouble?"

"I don't know Robbe called us in here" Zoe replies and everyone turns to him

Leaned against the counter more stressed than he should be Robbe rubs his forehead, unsure what to even say to his flatmates Robbe knows he needs help. So he just says the first thing he's thinking "I like Sander."

Zoe's eyes automatically grow stunned by the revelation, Robbe looks over at Milan and Senne who stare back confused "who's Sander?" Senne asks

"Just some-"

"Britt's boyfriend" Zoe cuts Robbe off

"Wait is he the guy you..." Robbe nods knowing where Milan is going with this,

"Did you call us in here to tell us you like him?" Senne asks

"Yes and no" Robbe breathes, "I know it's not right to like him ok" he looks at Zoe, "and I'm trying to keep my distance but he keeps asking me to hang out—"

"You just spent an entire week with him, what more could he want?" Robbe shrugs "Robbe you know you can't hang out with him right?"

"Why not?" Milan asks Zoe for Robbe

"Because he has a girlfriend"

"Ok and it's not like Robbe's trying to steal him" Milan turns to Robbe, "right?"

"Right" Robbe nods, "I'm not trying to do anything he just wants to be friends."

"I say don't do it" Zoe gives her opinion,

"I say do it!" Milan grins

Robbe looks to Senne who thinks then asks "what's he like around you?"

"What does it matter?" Zoe asks her boyfriend

"Well, Robbe said he's been asking him to hang out, what guy with a girlfriend is so persistent to hang out with another dude he barely knows?"

"Senne's right it's love!" Milan claps

"No it's not" Zoe turns to Senne, "so you're saying because Sander wants to be his friend that automatically means he wants to what, sleep with him?"

"I didn't say all that" Senne defends, "but if Robbe is feeling a vibe why not see what it's about?"

"Because the guy has a girlfriend!" Zoe looks at Robbe, "look Robbe I get it, Sander's a cool pretty boy who can draw and is nice, he's basically a unicorn— but he is Britt's unicorn." Senne is confused by the sentence but Milan understands what she means.

"Zoe I can hang out with someone I like without having ulterior motives," Robbe says

"Because that ended so well between you, Jens, and Jana right?" Zoe realizes how much that question stings and quickly apologizes, "Sorry Robbe I just mean maybe think before you do anything" he nods keeping quiet.

After their talk Robbe is in his room sitting on his bed reading the text he just got from Sander

_See you soon :)_

Robbe takes everything Zoe said into consideration, but he knows he'll hate himself if he ditches Sander. They want to see each other Robbe knows that much, he also knows he'd never try to do anything to sabotage Sander and Britt. A drink means nothing.

Deciding to go, Robbe leaves his flat taking his bike to the cafe.

Standing there by the bike racks across the street, Robbe sees sander's back sitting at a circle table waiting. Maybe he should leave— Robbe thinks, but there the boy sat patiently waiting with two beers in front of him, watching as people inside pass him by.

After locking his bike Robbe takes a breath walking towards the entrance, it's just a drink with a potential friend nothing more.

There's music playing and Robbe stands for a few seconds and just stares at how beautiful he finds Sander, who's wandering eyes scan the room until they find Robbe at the entrance. They both immediately smile as Robbe approaches

"Hi" Robbe stops at the table next to the empty stool.

"Hey" Sander greets as he watches the boy taking off his jacket. Sitting on the stool Robbe looks at him and Sander says "I got you a beer I hope that's ok," Sander pushes the cup towards him

"No it's good thank you" Robbe reaches for the cup trying his best not to stare at Sander. "Sorry if I kept you waiting long" 

Shaking his head Sander replies "don't apologize I’d wait for you for ever," hearing the boy say that Robbe looks over at him and the smile on his face. Feeling his cheeks getting red Robbe quickly looks away before he blushes, and Sander notices. To divert from his shameless flirting Sander asks "so how was your day?"

Their eyes meet again and Robbe's pretty smile lines peek as he's about to answer, "it was good, I didn't really do much just finished some homework due tomorrow... what about you?"

"Same" Sander nods, "had a painting to finish so I worked on that all day passing time until I got to see you." The boy smiles as his blonde quaff hang perfectly on his forehead

Robbe brings his beer to his lips trying to seem unaffected by such words, "still can't believe you're in art school, that's so cool."

"Yeah I couldn't do anything else, so it was either that or peaking."

"Glad you didn't peak," Robbe replies making Sander chuckle

"Me too."

"How do you come up with your drawings?"

"Well I've been doing it for so long that it's all second nature now, some things are more difficult than others, but then again I can draw some things so easily I wouldn't even have to look at it."

"What are some things you can draw easily?"

Sander shrugs, "depends"

"On what?"

"What I'm asked to draw."

"Okay, what about me? Do you think I'd be easy to draw?" Robbe asks innocently causing a smile to come across Sander's face— a self-deprecating smile Robbe's never seen before.

"I think you might be the easiest thing to draw," Sander says believing that wholeheartedly.

"Drawing people must come easy for you then"

"It does but you're different" Robbe stares interestedly and Sander goes on, "once I've got that hair, those doe eyes, and inexplicable smile down—" Robbe sits very still wondering if Sander can see how hard his heart is beating, everyone in the cafe can probably hear it over the music.

"Everything else about your face comes with ease."

Robbe and Sander sat in that cafe together for hours divulging as much as they could, and by the end of the night it was certain... this wasn't just a vibe. Every compliment and every touch Robbe has received from Sander tonight felt like a confirmation. These feelings are definitely not one-sided, not the way Sander looks at him, or the way he found a reason to have his fingers in Robbe's hair longer than they needed to be.

And now after they've stayed until closing, Sander offers to ride back with Robbe to make sure he's safe.

"I can't believe you spent the entire night trying to convince me you have no talent, just so you could expose yourself as a world-class magician!"

"World-class" Robbe laughs, "I only know the one trick" the one he did while they were drinking, because he wanted to make the boy laugh. Which it worked... maybe more than Robbe thought it would.

They walk until they make it in front of Robbe's building, “next time you pull something out of my ear I hope it's money." Robbe can't help but chuckle at the things Sander says and the boy knew his charm was working. Robbe was falling for him "it was really nice spending time with you"

"You too hope we can do it again"

"You mean that because I don't believe you,"

They both smile and Robbe quickly defends "no I— I mean it"

"Okay" Sander nods while his eyes do rounds between Robbe's eyes and lips, "I'll see you soon then?"

Nodding Robbe replies "anytime you want." 

The response makes Sander grin maybe even laugh a little, and Robbe is having a hard time getting away but he knows they can't stand there forever. “Good night"

"Night YouTuber"

Robbe regretfully opens the entrance door walking in leaving sander outside. As he takes steps towards the elevator Robbe feels his heart pulling him back to the boy. it's like something was pulling him back to Sander, and after pressing the button for the elevator Robbe waits trying to ignore the feeling but as soon as the doors open instead of getting on Robbe walks away. 

Rushing back to the exit Robbe pulls the door open about to yell, "San—" just to find the boy still standing there.

Seeing each other Robbe takes a beat before doing what they've both been thinking all night. Stepping towards the boy Robbe closes his eyes meeting his lips to Sanders

There was never a second to waste on thinking about what was happening, this feeling was crystal clear. Robbe was right, nothing would ever feel as good as Sander's lips, he knew it and now here stood Sander proving it.

Standing in front of Robbe’s building the boys slowly wrapping their lips around one another softly pulling. Tasting every corner of the others lips very lost in this kiss... this very incredible, crippling, mouth watering, public kiss they probably shouldn't be having there at night. Robbe feels Sanders fingers run up and down his back as he caresses the boy's face and hair, Sander's hair is as soft as Robbe imagined. Their hands are getting lost touching each other as their lips never part.

But who cares because the way Sander held Robbe in his arms so tightly against his chest, neither of them could lie, this was real and it was inevitable.


	5. I Want You

_Goedemorgen cutie :)  
_ _Slept well?_

After weeks of knowing Robbe and needing more than just the boy's name, Sander tried his best to find out as much as he could about the boy. Robbe IJzermans is 16, he loves to skate, and judging from the vlogs, he's not as shy as he claimed. It made Sander smile seeing the boy in the vlogs— and yes, he watched them often.

Sander needed to figure this boy out, It was hard to explain what Robbe made him feel, how from the moment his eyes landed on Robbe it was like he was staring at someone he knew worlds before. Sander never really liked to think about other worlds, worlds were he exists but they feel like he does here. The thought of knowing there are more of him out there as miserable as he's been made Sander sad.

Before Robbe— before knowing everything he needed was out there, Sander lived in a constant state of self-defeating thoughts. Nothing ever felt right to him, with a broken brain and not much of a life because of it... Sander struggled to find his individuality. Now after honing his craft and becoming someone he liked, Sander was ready for what was next

_Love_

He hasn't had many, but the boy has had some relationships sadly they never last. When Sander likes someone back they'd be with him either for his appearance, or because they're an artist just like him and it just makes sense. Britt was the first girl Sander met he thought he could trust with his secret, but a couple of months into their relationship Sander regretted ever telling her. Britt knew she could lose Sander so the only way to keep him was to convince him she's all he'll ever need, no one their age is prepared to deal with what he has, and Sander believed her enough to stay.

Now after years and months of Sander trying his best to accept himself he meets Robbe, there was no real way for him to know this— but Sander felt it. What meeting the love of your life is supposed to feel like, how when they take one look at you everything else just disappears. Robbe didn't know what he was doing to this boy and now after last night's mind-bending kiss, Sander wants nothing more than to be with Robbe. This beautiful boy he can't seem to forget.

Seconds away from walking into class Sander's phone chimes in his hand, looking at the screen he sees Robbe's name and steps back out of class. Opening the message Sander reads  
  


_Hey Sander sorry I didn't reply this morning but I've been thinking about last night_

_I don't think it was right what we did_

_I know it was me who kissed you first so I'm sorry for whatever position this puts you in._

Feeling his breath caught in his throat Sander rereads every line trying to comprehend, how could Robbe think something that felt like that was wrong? Kissing Robbe was maybe the only thing Sander's done he hasn't regretted, if anything he couldn't wait for the minute he saw the boy again. But now this— what's he supposed to do with this?

"Hey, Sander you coming in?" The professor asks standing by his door 

"Yeah I'll be there I just have to make a quick call," he answers already dialing Robbe's number. If the boy was going to recant so quickly Sander wanted to hear him say it.

He fully doesn't expect Robbe to answer so Sander prepares to leave a voicemail, but the ringing stops after the third time. The line is quiet but Sander knows he's there

"Robbe?" He moves the phone from his ear making sure the call is actually happening, "Robbe you have to say something"

"I have class" the boy finally speaks, "we can't talk now."

"I just need you to tell me you didn't mean that text, please"

Sander hears Robbe's heavy sigh "I shouldn't have kissed you—"

"Stop saying that Robbe, yes you should have and you should do it again and again. How could you regret it already?"

"I don't regret it" Robbe admits, "and I wish we could kiss again, I want nothing more... but the fact remains, you're unavailable and I threw myself at you."

"Wait if this is about Britt-"

"My teacher's calling me I have to go I'm sorry," Robbe quickly hangs up.

" _Fuck_ —" Sander looks at his phone screen.

Going into his messages he quickly types a text to Robbe

_Britt isn't a factor, I'll break up with her._

Checking out for the rest of the day, Sander checks his phone every other minute to no avail. Robbe hasn't said a word back and he needed the boy to believe him, at this point Sander was ready to do what it takes to show Robbe— _another day without you is torture, this was a small price to pay._

After his three class day, Sander and some friends walked out of school heading towards the bike racks. The plan is to get coffee and group sketch at the shop until they were ready to leave. Sander only agrees because he knows if he's left alone he'll go see Robbe, and he's decided maybe giving Robbe some time was what's best. When they turn the corner to the bike area Sander is stopped while his friends continue to walk unbothered.

Too stunned Sander stares at the boy wearing his autumn-colored jacket, dark jeans, and a blue hoodie. Robbe couldn't be any cuter with his shy smile and small wave he does to the boy staring back at him.

"Hey, you coming?" His friends pull their bikes up between Sander and Robbe asking

"Actually I'm sitting this one out I'll see you guys tomorrow."

"Cool," they nod riding away.

Once alone in the graffiti-covered corner, Sander scanned Robbe again unable to handle him, "what are you doing here?" Sander's deep voice asks softly

"I had to see you" Robbe answers, "at least once today"

Sander smiles "I was about to forcibly hang out with my friends so I wouldn't come see you."

Robbe stands there by his bike fingers clasped together in front of him as he tries not to stare at Sander but failing miserably. Sander finding himself too far away starts taking steps towards the boy, making Robbe's heart skip beats.

"Sander, wait—" Robbe stops him in his track and Sander stops standing a couple of feet away. Letting out a breath Robbe starts "about your text... you shouldn't break up with Britt, at least I don't want you to."

"Why not?"

"Because I don't want it to be my fault" Robbe replies quietly, his voice has been soft this entire time but this response came out almost like a whisper. "I can't compete, Britt is who you should be with, she makes sense for you, and compared to her I'm nothing..."

Sander shakes his head disagreeing "Robbe stop—"

"It's true ok" Robbe smiles sadly.

Sander stares at the boy realizing he actually meant it, Robbe really believed he was nothing when that wasn't the case for Sander at all. "Robbe..." Sander continues stepping closer, Robbe's eyes fall watching as the doc martens gradually approach him. Sander raises his hand to the boy's chin moving Robbe's head up to look at him. When their eyes meet again Sander leans towards the boy's lips, feeling a small pull on his lips, Robbe didn't think twice about returning the kiss, he would never not kiss Sander.

Grazing his lips against Robbe's, Sander whispers "you are everything"

Bringing his hand to Sander's, Robbe gently pulls the blonde's hand off his face, "stop..." he sighs letting go of Sander's hand.

"Robbe I wish you saw you the way that I see you," he can tell Robbe still didn't believe him and in this moment Sander knew there was only one way, one gesture he could do to make Robbe believe him. "I can prove it," he says stepping away

"How?" Robbe questions

"Trust me?" He asks and Robbe nods "ok come," he tilts his head in the direction he wants Robbe to follow. With no hesitation Robbe follows Sander inside the academy, he leads the boy to the stairs then Sander turns reaching his hand out, and Robbe doesn't shy away from taking it. With a smile he pulls the boy up the stairs, down a narrow hall with large metal doors, some shut some open.

"Should I close my eyes?" Robbe grins joking when they finally stop in front of a door.

Turning to the boy Sander replies "if you want to." Reaching in his pocket Sander pulls out a set of keys ruffling through them until he finds the right one. "It's ok if you find this weird" Sander spoke as he unlocks the door causing Robbe's heart to beat fast, he's getting nervous Robbe couldn't possibly guess what awaits behind the metal door.

Sander steps in first his heart racing as he exposes himself to Robbe. Sander watches the boy as Robbe steps into his studio, keeping his eyes glued on Robbe waiting to see his reaction.

It was— _a lot_. There's no denying that, and sander waits for the frown, or a look of absolute confusion, but he got neither.

Robbe was taken aback but nothing about what he was looking at felt wrong. Dropping his bag the boy begins to scan the small space

Finding the silence unbearable— "I know what it looks like," Sander speaks as Robbe walks around the studio examining the walls, "and I know that it's kind of..."

"Everywhere?" Robbe smiles turning to Sander, "my face is all over this room" he points around letting out a laugh.

"You don't think it's weird?"

Shaking his head Robbe replies "no I don't," he walks over to Sander but doesn't get too close. "But I'm not sure what this proves"

"Robbe from the moment I laid eyes on you at that party, you're all I could see after that. Every time I picked up a pencil, or paintbrush, or even my bare hands— everything I drew turned into you. So, this is three weeks worth of me thinking about only you"

Robbe's beautiful brown eyes kept Sander together, but Sander's having a hard time holding the boy's gaze and not falling for how Robbe was looking at him. No matter how much he wants to kiss Robbe, Sander will wait until the boy is ready.

"Are you serious?" Robbe asks in disbelief with a head tilt and the cutest smile

Sander grew tired of being so far and just moves towards the boy, "I'm so fucking serious," he chuckles and stops moving when his arms are close enough to wrap around Robbe's back. Sander rests his forehead against Robbe's feeling as Robbe's fingers sneak around his neck. With the tip of his nose on top of Robbe's and their lips mere inches apart, Sander asks "do you believe me?" Trapped by the bleach blonde taking his breath away, Robbe had no words so a nod would have to do.

Shutting his eyes Robbe waits for the moment he feels Sander's lips touch his. The two boys begin to share a slow kiss while standing in the middle of Sander's studio with nothing but each other to support them. The kiss is so good it feels dizzying, Sander lost himself in this kiss as it deepens. He tugs at Robbe's jacket, and Robbe moves his arms allowing Sander to slip the jacket off from his shoulders.

Robbe needed to be honest, no two hands that have touched him has ever felt like this, Sander didn't know the power he had over the boy. In this moment whatever Sander wanted Robbe was prepared to give it to him.

This felt almost too good to be true, like if he stops kissing Robbe something will happen and they'd never get to do it again. But Sander didn't know if he could stop himself, how far can they really go? His lips just wanted to taste Robbe, to feel Robbe's soft moans against his lips as they kiss. Moving his lips to the boy's neck, sander plants soft kisses against Robbe's neck massaging it with his tongue, causing Robbe to dig his nails into Sander's skin. "Sander..." Robbe absentmindedly moans running his fingers in Sander's hair

Taken by the sound of his name escaping the boy’s lips Sander moves his face resting it against Robbe's, and as they both quietly pant he whispers "say my name again"

Robbe sees the seriousness of the request in the boy's eyes and happily parts his lips saying softly, "Sander" then smiles at the boy's reaction.

"You never say my name and it drives me crazy"

"Oh, I'm sorry..." Robbe apologizes, grazing his lips against Sander's cheek Robbe trails soft kisses on his face stopping at the boy's ear. "I'll say your name as much as you want— _Sander_ "

Chuckling Sander's about to meet his lips when they hear a key in the studio door causing them to separate, when the door opens a girl walks in and Robbe quickly picks up his things.

"Oh hey," she stops when she sees Sander standing there with Robbe trying to get his jacket back on.

"Hey Mannon" Sander smiles, "Robbe this is my studio mate Mannon" he points

Before Robbe can say anything the girl gasps "holy shit you're him" her smile grows, "you're the reason this one forgot what sharing meant." Mannon steps closer to them and Robbe smiles "it's nice to finally meet the famous face."

"You too" he replies, "and I'm sorry if my face haunts you"

Mannon laughs "don't be it's not a terrible face" and walks to her side of the studio, "didn't mean to interrupt just needed some supplies."

"Robbe and I are probably gonna head out if you want to stay"

"We are?" Robbe asks turning to Sander who nods

"Only if you want though"

"Yes," Robbe replies, "I want."

Grinning Sander grabs Robbe's hand "all right it's decided, Mannon you stay and Robbe and I will make ourselves scarce."

"Okay see ya"

"Bye" Sander replies and Robbe waves as they leave the studio.

—

It was all surreal for Sander, actually being here with Robbe after weeks of pining after the boy, Robbe didn't know but Sander wanted him more than anything. It's hard to explain what seeing each other for the first time felt like, and yes it can be argued that love at first sight doesn't exist... but for these boys that wasn't the case. Sander knew from the moment his eyes laid on Robbe that he was the one, and no one's ever made him feel that— not even Britt.

He wasn't kidding, after that first night everything he tried to draw the next couple of weeks turned into Robbe, it was so bad that he'd get in trouble in school, all of his art projects started to look the same. There was only one fix for this, Sander needed to know Robbe, not to get the boy out of his system but because anyone who could mess with him this much was someone he had to know.

They decide to go back to Robbe's, this was going to be their first time alone and Sander couldn't wait. When they enter Robbe's building before he can guide them to the elevator Sander pulls Robbe pinning him against the wall.

Robbe smiles at the closeness and the look on Sander's face, he wanted more, his thirst for Robbe only grows. "Sander" Robbe says the boy's name almost with a sultry tone causing Sander to go into overdrive. Taking Robbe by the bottom lip Sander takes his time as he kisses him, Robbe's arms snake around him, as Sander's fingers run through his hair taking a handful in his grip, he pulls a little causing a small whine from Robbe.

Resting his forehead against Robbe's while their lips part both boys quietly pant, as Robbe caresses his face Sander whispers "do you know what you do to me, Robbe IJzermans?"

Shaking his head "tell me" and Sander prepares to but—

It's never smart to share such a passionate and intimate moment like this in public and the boy's are about to be made well aware of that. The elevator dings causing them to stop and before the doors fly open Sander steps out of Robbe's grip, leaving the boy against the wall pouting as people step off the elevator heading towards the exit.

"You're gonna be trouble" Sander smiles as the boys get in the elevator, "I have to watch what I do around you."

"You can do whatever you want around me" Robbe replies grabbing him by the jacket as the elevator starts to climb the floors, "I'm all yours," he says against Sander's lips.

Too distracted by the kissing it takes them a couple of seconds to realize the elevator has stopped and the doors were open. Clumsily they stumble off full of giggles as they kiss their way to Robbe's door. Parting long enough to let Robbe unlock the door, the minute they're inside he pushes Sander against the door meeting his lips again. Finally alone the boy's kiss grew deeper as Sander and Robbe drop their bags and reach for their jackets.

So oblivious to anything around them neither boy hears the footsteps approaching, but there was no ignoring "Robbe is that—" Zoe stops in her tracks as Robbe pulls himself off of Sander.

Sander watches as Robbe embarrassingly turn to his roommate, "hey" he greets her

"Hi guys" she stares back and forth at them and their noticeably flushed faces.

"Hi Zoe" Sander smiles peeling himself off the door.

"Robbe" Zoe looks at him, "can I talk to you for a second?"

He nods "this is my room you can go in" Robbe opens the door "give me a minute ok?" Sander nods and Robbe follows Zoe into the living room where she closes the door.

Fully intended on going in Sander stops when he hears Zoe ask "what are you thinking, Robbe?" Not hearing a reply from the boy Sander continues to listen "I thought we talked about this" her voice is hushed but not enough for him not to hear. "You said you wouldn't do this"

"It's not what it looks like ok" Robbe finally speaks, "I don't want to just hook up with him or something, I want to be with him."

"Ok, then what about Britt? What happens to her?"

"I don't know..."

"Robbe you're doing what Jana did can't you see that?"

Feeling like he's heard too much Sander walks into Robbe's room shutting the door. Morally he knew what they were doing wasn't ok and he can't blame Zoe for saying anything to Robbe. In this moment Sander understood what Robbe meant when he said he didn't want Sander and Britt breaking up to be his fault. And no matter what he does or says to Britt Sander knows the guilt will still fall on Robbe

After a few Robbe walks into his room to Sander standing in the middle of it, Sander examines the frown on the boy's face as Robbe walks to him. Without saying a word Robbe wraps his arms around Sander's neck hugging him, it takes him a second but Sander reciprocates the hug and they just stand like that.

"Should I go?" Sander asks with Robbe's face buried in his shoulder

"I don't want you to" Robbe mumbles, finally loosening their grip on each other the boys let go, "but I think it's what's best for right now." Sander notices the lack of eye contact and feels like Robbe doesn't mean what he's saying.

Nodding anyway Sander agrees "are we ok?" He asks before walking to the door

Robbe shrugs "I don't know" he sighs, "I don't know anything"

"Robbe" Sander reaches gently grazing his thumb against the boy's cheek, "whatever happens between Britt and I isn't on you ok? I know I can't make you believe that but it's me, I don't want to be with her. I want you and only you, just try to remember that okay?" Robbe nods and Sander leans in giving him a soft kiss, before pulling away completely he asks "can I call you?"

"Anytime" Robbe replies.

Prying himself from the boy, Sander walks out and Robbe drops on his bed.


	6. You missed me that much, Robin

Walking through the institution Robbe stops for a second before he goes into his mom's room, he's never gone almost a month without seeing her and although they text Robbe wasn't really sure what to expect. He wants nothing more than for his mama to be ok, and of being by her side is all it takes, then Robbe was happy to play the part.

Reaching for the knob he lets himself in, scanning the room Robbe stops when he sees his mom at her desk sitting down as she writes. The moment her eyes lay on her son her face lights up "you're here!" She drops her pencil standing up

"Hi mom," he walks to her and they hug tightly, "how are you?" Robbe asks over her shoulder

"I'm so good," she loosens the hug grabbing his face "how are you? You look so tired, are you sleeping?" Not really

"Yeah I'm ok" she lets go of his face, "I'm sorry I haven't been by—"

"Don't worry about it honey I know you're busy I understand," she takes his hand walking over to the bed. Sitting next to each other his mother notices the plastic bag in his hand and asks, "what's that?"

"Oh" he opens it remembering, "I remember you saying how awful the magazines are here and the vending machine sucks, so I brought a couple of magazines and some candy." He hands her the bag and she accepts it with the biggest smile. "There are two sudoku books in there too I know they're your favorites."

"You're so good to me my beautiful boy, thank you" she hugs him again

"You're welcome."

Placing the bag behind her on the bed while they're not looking at each other she asks "and your father, how is he?"

Robbe shrugs "I don't know we don't really talk"

"Why not Robbe?" She stares at her son

"Why not?" He scoffs, "because he's a liar and a coward"

"Robbe IJzermans you stop that, don't talk about your father that way"

"Well it's true he left us, he left you when you needed him most ma. What do you call that?"

Robbe is thankful his dad allowed him to move out but he'll always resent the man, while his mom was suffering he didn't bother to help, he just left her at the institute and never came back for her. Robbe doesn't know how to forgive that.

But his mother didn't seem to hold that same animosity, "it was a response, Robbe, sometimes people don't know how to handle others baggage. I can't hate him for that and I don't want you to either"

"You're nothing to handle ok? This isn't your fault"

"It's no one's fault..." she quickly adds before Robbe gets the chance to blame his dad. "This happened and I'm living with it. Plus I feel good today and that's all I can ask for, right?" Robbe gives a slight nod and she smiles "okay good" she reaches up ruffling his already messy hair. "Now about you, how are things with my favorite son?"

"I'm your only son" Robbe smiles, "but things are..." his mind wanders as he's about to answer. Every time Robbe thinks it always goes back to one person.

It's been over a week since Sander and Robbe have seen or spoken to each other, Sander never did call and although that may have hurt Robbe, he thinks it's maybe for the best, he was the one who told Sander not to break up with Britt. He doesn't think he can blame Sander for listening to him.

"They've been better," he looks at his mom

"What's going on?" What isn't going on mom?

Sighing Robbe prepares to divulge, he needed a release. "I met someone but he has a girlfriend and she goes to my school, and I don't want to be the reason she gets hurt"

Meeting her son's eyes, Robbe's mom asks "what's his name?"

"Sander," he answers almost like a whisper

Robbe doesn't know but his mom could already see it, just by the way his eyes fixate into nothing when asks for Sander's name. Wanting her son to share more she continues, "tell me about Sander"

Where could he even start? Somehow Robbe already knew too much, but at the same time, he felt like he knew nothing. "He's an artist," Robbe starts and his mom stays attentive as he goes on, "he's in college and has _white hair_ "

" _White hair?_ " His mom asks a bit confused by the description

"Yeah _white hair_ ," Robbe nods with a smile. "I've never met anyone like him mom, he cares so much about the things others overlook. He has the nicest smile, it's so easy to get lost staring at him." Robbe is lost just thinking about the boy, he misses Sander so much, how does he admit that? "I haven't been sleeping," he says looking away at the floor, "I haven't known him long... but it's been a week since I've seen him, that's too long to go without him and I'm not sure I'll make it."

"Why do you want to make it Robbe? It's ok to be the one to say something first"

"No," Robbe shakes his head, "that's not true mama because if he really wanted me he would've called."

"What happened exactly?" She asks moving closer to her son

Thinking back to last week Robbe remembers the details, like he has been for an entire week. He and Sander were happy... for an hour they were but— "I freaked out," Robbe admits. "I'm so worried about someone else that I'm losing something I truly want," he looks at his mom with sad eyes

"Oh Robbe," his mom says in a nurturing tone, "that's always been who you were sweetie, you've always put yourself second for the sake of others. Nothing has ever challenged that, not until now at least." Throwing her arm around him as she watches tears roll down Robbe's cheeks, she continues, "I wish someone could make this decision for you but that'd be too easy, and we IJzermans aren't easy are we?" She looks down at her son leaning against her shoulder, and Robbe shakes his head. "Here's what I know, if Sander is worth it, if he's the one then he wasn't his girlfriend's to begin with. You guys are doing her a favor, and no it won't feel like that right now, but if that's how you have to think about it to get this one thing for yourself, then so be it."

Robbe knows it won't be just Britt being pissed about what'll happen, he knows Zoe will be upset, and the girls will probably resent him too. But maybe his mom is right— no, not maybe. Robbe knows she's right, Sander is worth it all and Robbe deserves more than an hour with him.

"You're such a wonderful mom," Robbe wraps his arms around his mom's waist snuggling closer for a hug. She laughs and taken by the sound Robbe shuts his eyes loving every second of hearing his mom's laughter, "I missed that sound" he whispers against her chest. "I can't wait for you to get out of here," Robbe adds as they let go

"It won't be too long I promise," Robbe nods understanding. "You're the strongest person I know Robbe, if anyone knows what to do it's you"

"Thank you, mama"

"I love you," she leans in giving him a kiss on the forehead.

"I love you too."

—

**Monday 13:35**   
  


As he walks out to the courtyard after his last class, Robbe sees Jens and Janna at a table talking and he heads over to them. "No that's not how you do it idiot let me show you—"

"Hey" Robbe walks up cutting Jana off, "what's going on?"

As he gives Jens a bro hug Jana goes on, "Robbe can you teach Jens how to swipe text because he's not getting it?"

"Swipe text?" Robbe asks confused "what's that?"

Groaning Jana rolls her eyes, "God, are all boys useless?"

As she stands there demonstrating to the boys what she's talking about, no one notices a girl angrily stomping toward them until it's too late. Yanking Robbe to turn around Britt lifts her hand striking him across the face as hard as she can. "STAY THE FUCK AWAY FROM MY BOYFRIEND!" Britt screams "HE DOESN'T WANT YOU!" As she continues shoving him Jana and Jens react

Jens pulls Britt away while Jana shields Robbe who's busy cupping his pained cheek, "Britt what's your problem?" Jana asks as she tries to fight Jens off and people starts looking at them

"Ask him! Get off me!" She manages to shove Jens off, "what kind of person are you?" She dries to go for Robbe again

Pushing her hands away Jana says, "if you hit him again Britt I will hit you back! Calm down and come talk to me," she directs her to walk away, Britt is hesitant "come on." Britt decides to walk away with her and Jana turns to the boys, "head to the cafe now," Jens just nods.

Quietly sitting in the cafe while he waits for Jens to come back with an ice pack, Robbe isn't sure how to react all of it still had him in shock. In the courtyard of their school in front of a bunch of people, she slapped him and yelled for Robbe to stay away from Sander, which can mean one of 2 things. Sander broke up with her and told her why, or she caught him somehow. But how could she catch him now?

"Here," Jens sits at the table in front of him handing Robbe the blue ice pack he got from someone behind the counter.

"How does it look?" Robbe turns his cheek to his best friend,

"Looks like you got slapped across the face," Jens chuckles not taking the matter seriously.

It's not too long until Jana joins them, walking into the coffee shop she sees the boys and rushes over. "How is he?" She whispers to Jens sitting in the empty chair waiting for her, Robbe has his head down on his arms, not asleep but still too distraught to speak.

"I think he might need reconstruction surgery," Jens jokes laughing and Jana shoves him

"Be serious!" She quietly barks then looks at Robbe, "Britt told me everything" Jana says getting Robbe to lift his head slowly.

"What's everything?" Robbe asks unsure she actually knows the full truth

"She found a bunch of drawings of you in Sander's bedroom and asked him about it, he told her he was in love with you and that he didn't want to be with her anymore."

"What?" Jens' eyes grow as he stares at Robbe, who drops his head in his palms

"What happened between you guys, Robbe?" Jana asks

"He told me he liked me and we kissed," Robbe admits still unable to lift his head and look at his friends

"What the fuck?!" Jens laughs surprised, "are you into him?" Robbe nods

Finally lifting his head Robbe looks at Jana first whose eyes fixate on his, she already knew something but she didn't know that much. "I don't get it" she shakes her head, "you guys practically just met, when did you have time to fall for each other?"

"I don't know... it all happened pretty fast. We hung out after we got back from the cabin, then I kissed him. I felt guilty and I told him not to break up with Britt but he told me that he doesn't want to be with her, but I still felt conflicted so we haven't spoken since."

“This is so crazy," Jana smiles taking off her jacket, "does anyone else know?"

"Just Zoe,"

"Dude if you're into each other then just be with him," Jens says

"It's not that easy," Robbe wishes it were, "my face wouldn't be on fire right now if it were"

"Britt already knows Robbe, why are you still trying to protect her feelings?"

"I feel so bad for her but Jens is right," Jana agrees

"If she's telling me to stay away from him that means she still wants him."

"What do you want?" Jana asks sending Robbe into a deep self-reflection

 _What does he want?_

Well, that question was actually pretty easy, Robbe wants Sander. He wants Sander for more than just a couple of kisses, he wants the guy from a week ago admitting how much he liked Robbe with a studio full of drawings of his face. Robbe wanted Sander to talk to him again— or at least to want to talk to him. Because yeah, even though he said those things to Britt, Robbe didn't know if he meant it. Can you go an entire week without talking to someone you're in love with? The answer was no for Robbe, from the moment he met the bleach haired blond Robbe thinks of him first and last. A week is torture and Robbe spent those days miserable, how's Sander?

—

**Tuesday 16:23**

**To Sander**

_I hope you're ok_

—

**Thursday 08:20**

"Robbe?" Zoe knocks on his bedroom door, "Robbe are you ready? We have to leave," she continues to knock waiting for an answer that never comes. Deciding to open the door, Zoe sticks her head in and before calling out to him Zoe sees the boy sleeping restlessly in bed. With his eyes closed Robbe turns his head side to side feeling a great discomfort, "woah are you ok?" Zoe comes closer and sees the boy practically drenched in sweat, reaching down she grabs his shoulder to shake him but immediately pulls away. "Robbe you're burning up" she reaches the back of her hand to his forehead and sure enough it was practically piping hot.

Walking out Zoe leaving the bedroom door open, heading for the bathroom she searching the cabinet but doesn't find what she's looking for. After looking twice she decides to call out, "Milan?" Not answering she calls him name again "Milan?"

"Yeah?" He walks out of his room turning towards the bathroom

"Where's the thermometer? I think Robbe has a fever"

"Really?" Milan questions, "and it's here" he walks to the kitchen opening a drawer. Handing Zoe the thermometer they walk back to Robbe's room to find his eyes open.

Quietly stepping in Zoe is ahead, "Robbe?" She says his name and Robbe turns his head to her, "I think you might be sick, I have this to take your temperature" she pulls the cap off the thermometer and leans close, "can you open your mouth?" He does so and she places the stick in there then he closes it. Turning to her roommate as she sits at Robbe's bedside, Zoe asks "Milan can you get a couple of mini towels?" Nodding he walks away leaving them alone.

It's no surprised Robbe's sick, he hasn't felt right since Monday and after texting Sander which he ignored, Robbe was done for. Wracking his brain as to what Sander ignoring him could mean? Maybe he's back with Britt? If that were the case then she wouldn't be giving him the stink eye every day, maybe it's something else... maybe Sander regrets upending his life for Robbe, a boy who isn't even sure of what he wants.

"Do we have any medicine?" Zoe asks Milan as she uses a mini towel to clean sweat off Robbe's face and neck

"Yeah, NyQuil"

"Is it the drowsy kind? Maybe it'll make him sleep for a few more hours"

"I'll go check," Milan leaves. Taking the thermometer from Robbe's mouth once it's ready, Zoe reads the numbers... _102 degrees._

Coming back seconds later he hands Zoe the bottle, "Milan this is almost empty"

"Sorry, sometimes I take it to make me sleep,"

"Something's wrong with you," she sighs. Filling the little cup with the liquid Zoe looks at Robbe, "Robbe? Here take this," She helps his head up and Robbe takes the NyQuil without question. "We have to leave Robbe, but I'll bring proper medicine on my way home ok?" He slightly nods, "call either one of us if it gets worse ok?" Robbe nods again and Zoe stands, after covering him with his blanket Zoe and Milan back out of the boy's room gently shutting the door.

Spending the rest of his day in and out of sleep still feeling uneasy and weak Robbe doesn't bother getting out of bed, the only thing he does manage to do is open Spotify on his phone. Heading to Sander's playlist Robbe plays it and falls back asleep. That's the last real memory he has of the day.

**From Zoe**

_Heading home now with medicine and chicken soup be there soon_

Completely out of it but not fully asleep the effect of the drowsy medicine is still hitting him, unsure of what he's hearing Robbe can make out the sound of 2 voices mumbling outside his door.

Zoe opens the door not bothering to knock, "we found him like that this morning, I'm not sure what else is wrong but it's a fever for sure."

"Did he take anything?" Sander asks quietly

Zoe nods, "gave it to him before I left this morning so he's still pretty out of it

Dropping his bag and jacket on the floor, Sander quietly moves to Robbe's bedside and stops when he hears it. Life On Mars coming from the boy's phone by his side, he wasn't expecting that.

Coming closer too Zoe says, "I should wake him up to take some more medicine"

"Okay," Sander steps back watching and giving Zoe space to sit close to him

After opening and pouring the liquid medicine in the tiny cup Zoe touches his face, "Robbe? hey, Robbe wake up" the boy groans too weak to open his eyes. "I brought more medicine, all you have to do is open your mouth," bringing the cup to his lips Robbe drinks it and groans again because of the taste. "Do you want soup?" He shakes his head with a moan, "ok maybe later then." Turning to Sander who's still standing there unsure what to do or say Zoe asks, "do you want to stay with him for a while?"

"I- I don't know if I should, I don't think Robbe would want me to" Zoe can hear the fear in Sander's voice

"Trust me he would" she replies, "he needs you"

"Okay," Sander nods. He watches Zoe walk out of the room leaving him alone with a lifeless Robbe, "Robbe?" Sander whispers moving closer, staring at the boy's sleeping face sander sits and reaches up running a hand against Robbe's cheek. "I'm so sorry for everything Robbe, I shouldn't be here like this I know it's not right but I'm worried about you... I've been so awful I'm not worth being here and seeing you like this, you deserve so much better Robbe..."

About to pull his hand away from the boy Robbe grabs it shocking Sander, talking more asleep than awake Robbe pleas a quiet, "lay down with me... _please_ "

"You want me to stay?" Sander asks and Robbe just nods

Climbing the bed without a second thought Sander lays next to the boy and Robbe snuggles to him, wrapping his arms around the sick boy Sander massages Robbe's hair with his fingers helping Robbe back to deep slumber.

—

**Friday 19:50**

Regaining most of his consciousness after almost 2 days worth of sleep, Robbe felt somewhat better, better enough to get out of bed.

Sitting up Robbe puts his sock-covered feet on the ground trying to regroup before he stands for the first time in hours. Picking up his phone Robbe sees all the missed calls and texts on his locked screen, he puts the phone down not bothering with them.

Standing up he slowly paces himself towards the door hoping his head will stop spinning, opening his bedroom door Robbe walks out with going to the bathroom in mind, but that changes when he hears voices coming from the kitchen.

The chatter dies when he walks in from the hall, and sees his flatmates scattered around their tiny kitchen talking. "You're up!" Milan says surprised being the first to see him

"Hey man" Senne moves from the counter getting closer, "how do you feel?"

"Like a million dollars," Robbe answers sarcastically his voice hoarse from lack of use.

"I'll make you some tea," Zoe says getting up from the table.

Walking over Robbe sits down and his roommates can see it all over his face, he's not fully ok yet. "How long was I out?" Robbe asks having no concept of time or even what day it is

"Almost 2 days," Milan answers while sitting at the table with him

"Your mom kept calling, she was worried she hadn't heard from you. So I told her you just had a fever and you'd get back to her in no time"

Robbe nods after Zoe stops talking, "thank you"

"Sure," she smiles.

"I think the medicine you gave me was making me have weird dreams, I dreamt Sander was here at one point." As she places the mug in front of Robbe, Zoe and Milan share a look which he notices, "what?"

"Um Sander _was_ here... yesterday," Zoe admits

"What? He was?" Both Zoe and Milan nods "why?"

"When I was leaving school yesterday I found him outside waiting, said he needed to see you and I told him you were sick at home, and he asked to come back with me."

"Oh my god," Robbe groans laying his head on the table, "he saw me like this?"

"He was really worried, he stayed for a while but then had to leave... said he left a note for you, did you not see it?"

"No," Robbe abruptly stands leaving the kitchen.

Heading back to his room Robbe looks around until he notices the piece of paper folded at his desk, walking over to it Robbe picks it up and quickly unfolds it. First thing he notices is the drawing on one side, it's of him sleeping. Robbe stares a the quick sketch some more before reading the words written in Sander's handwriting— which he remembers from the drawing at the seaside.

_Even like this, you are the most beautiful boy I've ever seen. I'm so sorry for the silence I just needed time. If you give me another chance, whenever you're ready I'm here and I'll answer this time._

_Ik zie je graag,_

_Sander_

Is it weird that he sat there and reread the note for what feels like hours? Unsure of what to do Robbe decides to put the piece of paper down and take a much-needed shower instead.

After showering and changing in sweatpants and a hoodie, Robbe decides to change his month old sheets for fresh ones. Still pretty weak he stops after putting the fitted sheets on and takes a break. Staring at his phone screen Robbe wants so bad to call Sander, why can't he just do it? Clearly, Sander wants to talk since he left the note, Robbe has nothing to lose.

Pressing the phone icon under Sander's name, Robbe brings the phone to his ear and waits as it rings.

After the third ring, Sander picks up, "hey Robbe" the boy smiles at the sound of Sander saying his name. "Say something please I need to hear your voice"

"I miss you," Robbe speaks, "so much," his gentle voice rings in Sander's ear

"I miss you too... too much," Sander replies then asks "how do you feel?"

"Better, not great... just better" he answers, still on his bed, Robbe lays on his back staring at the ceiling. With the phone still to his ear, the boy says"I found the note"

"I figured... only took you a day," Sander quietly snorts

"Sorry I guess I was pretty out of it"

"No don't apologize you were sick, I understand"

The phone is quiet for a moment and Robbe thinks of something to admit, "I have to tell you something... on Monday Britt slapped me at school"

"She did what?" Sander is surprised "Robbe why didn't you tell me?"

"I texted you, Sander, you didn't answer"

Sighing Sander goes silent and Robbe can tell he's upset, "fuck Robbe I'm so sorry"

"It's okay," Robbe says in a soft voice hoping sander can hear that he means it

"No it's not this is all my fault, I can explain ok? Just give me a chance..." Sander honestly didn't have to ask, Robbe already forgave him. "Can I see you?"

Robbe smiles waiting for the moment Sander would ask that, "yes please"

"I'm on my way, I'll see you soon"

"Okay..." they hang up and Robbe feels his heart get happy again, suddenly his fever didn't matter. _Sander was coming_ , they'd get to see each other even if it's just for tonight, Robbe's ready to take what he can get.

Cleaning up as much as he can with not much energy, Robbe walks to the bathroom standing in front of the mirror messing his already messy hair, hoping that'll do something. With his baggy hoodie sweatpants combo, Robbe sits in bed counting minutes until he hears the buzzer go off.

Filled with anticipation Robbe jumps off his bed at the sound of the door, stopping for a second after he walks out of his bedroom, Robbe takes a breath to calm himself down.

Reaching for the locks then the knob Robbe opens the door, to a pair of anxious green eyes and a pretty nervous smile. "Hey YouTuber," Sander greets, and not a second later Robbe was pulling him into a hug.

Wrapping his arms around the thin boy's waist Sander and Robbe melt under each other's touch, waiting so long to have this again, to be able to breathe each other in again. Robbe missed how Sander smelled, and Sander spent hours hoping he could run his fingers through Robbe soft curls again.

Feeling Robbe's face against his, Sander could feel how warm Robbe still is which means, he probably shouldn't be up right now. Using a hand to shut the door behind him while the other continues to hold Robbe close, Sander whispers in the boy's ear, "missed me that much, Robin?"

Robbe moves his face until their foreheads are touching and he whispers back, "you have no idea." Robbe lets go taking Sander's hand pulling the boy to his room. After shutting the door Sander drops his bag, and Robbe reaches for his jacket helping him out of it— Leaving Sander in just his t-shirt. Running his hands up Sander's arms Robbe snake his arms around the boy's neck, as he gently pins Sander against his bedroom door.

With his chest pressed against Sander's, Robbe finds himself on the tip of his toes as he leans towards Sander's lips unable to wait to be kissed.

Sander's gaze falls to the pair of lips moving to him, parting his own lips in preparation to take in Robbe's. Their lips touching for the first time in a week felt like a jolt. Both boys were asleep without this, and now they're awake and fully aware of how good this feels. The feeling of Robbe's lips pulling on his drove Sander mad, this boy had all the power, and Sander didn't mind being at his mercy.

—

Laid on Robbe's bed the boys are a tangled cuddling mess, intertwined with each other as Sander caressed Robbe's hair, with the boy laying against his chest. It's quiet for a while because words weren't necessary, a love like this didn't need definition, and neither was going to try and bother putting what they feel into words... it was all too overwhelming for words.

But alas, Sander feels that Robbe still needed an explanation, and he's spent days preparing the perfect one. "We have to talk about Britt," his soft voice breaks their serene silence, without a word Robbe lifts his head resting his chin on his hand against Sander's chest. When their eyes meet Sander goes on, "I broke up with her last weekend but I didn't tell her why, after taking down all the drawings of you from the studio, I took some home and she saw then in my room. I didn't deny it when she asked and I guess that's why she hit you"

"She also told me to stay away from you, but that wasn't a problem since you were already staying away from me"

"Robbe I'm so sorry, okay? I'm sorry for taking so long, for hurting you with my silence, and for letting Britt hurt you... fuck I'm so sorry for all of it, you have no idea what not seeing you was doing to me, it was torture—"

"Hey," Robbe climbs on Sander leaning down so their faces were mere inches from each other’s, resting his forehead against Sander's, Robbe takes deep slow breaths. Sander starts to mimic his breathing until he calms down. Then Robbe says, "I promise it's ok, you're here now and that's all I need. Everything else is in the past, okay?" Sander nods and with a faint smile, Robbe brings his lips down to meet the boy's and they start with a deep slow kiss.

It's always so easy for them to get carried away and lost in each other, Sander pulls on Robbe's hoodie until his fingers are caressing the boy's bare waist. Using his tongue to beg for entrance, Robbe happily welcomes it deepening their kiss further. Flipping them over Sander crawls closer, as Robbe spreads his legs giving him more access.

With him on top this time holding Robbe's thighs as his legs wrap around Sander's waist, Sander moves his lips to the boy's neck gently massaging it with his tongue. Unable to contain himself Robbe feels the moans coming out of his lips, moans that are turning Sander on more and more.

There was no stopping these boys in love ready to give everything over to each other, but someone tries anyway.

"Robbe—" Zoe opens his bedroom door without knocking, as soon as her eyes land on Sander who lifts his head to turn to her, Zoe panics quickly shutting the door, "I'm so sorry! Totally didn't mean to do that!!"

Robbe covers his face embarrassed as Sander chuckles, still standing behind the door Zoe adds, "I just wanted to see if you'd join Milan, Senne, and I for a movie night... but you're busy so never mind." They hear her take a few steps walking away but she comes back, "um Sander is more than welcome to join us too," she adds then leaves for sure.

Crawling out from between the boy's legs Sander asks, "should we join them?"

"Absolutely not!" Robbe protests pulling Sander to him not wanting this moment to end, "I want this more"

Smiling Sander runs his fingers against Robbe's face caressing the boy's cheek with his thumb, "I want you too baby, but I think we should wait... until you're fully recovered." Robbe pouts knowing he's right but not wanting to wait, "I promise it'll feel so much better if we wait... okay?" He leans in gaze falling to Robbe's lips

"Okay," Robbe quietly agrees breath cut short by the boy inches away from kissing him

"Good so come on," Sander stands grabbing his hand to get off the bed

Robbe groans following Sander off the bed, "you're such a tease."


	7. You're Just A Fixation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Talks of bipolar... not really familiar with the illness so I hope I don't offend anyone

It was happening again and Sander could feel it, everything was reaching a peak and the boy was hoping it wouldn't happen so soon, at least not now not when everything's finally working in his favor. But that's not the way mania worked and Sander knows that, his meds weren't working and now here he is in the middle of the night trying to subside a full-blown panic as to not scare the peaceful boy sleeping next to him.

The voices were louder than his conscience though, no matter how much he fidgets or paces they only get louder and louder—

_You think you're good enough for him? You're not_  
_Why would he ever want someone as broken as you_  
_How could anyone love you when you don't even love yourself?_  
_The only thing you could ever do for him is to leave him alone forever... trust me he'll thank you for it._

Having had enough with the menacing thoughts Sander dials on his phone as he quietly gets dressed. "Where are you? It's happening again... can you come pick me up? ...Ok, I'll text it to you." Hanging up the boy picks up his green backpack knocking something over, "fuck you stupid thing!" Sander barks in the dark room at the lamp laying on the floor

Hearing Robbe's groan coming from the bed Sander tries making it to the door but fails, groaning half asleep Robbe pats the empty space next to him. "Baby?" He calls out and after not hearing a reply Robbe opens his eyes to see the hotel room door shutting, "Sander?" Robbe quickly sits up. "Sander where are you going?" Reaching for the lamp next to him Robbe turns it on to an empty hotel room. Was he dreaming or did sander just leave him here

Grabbing his phone he immediately calls Sander but he doesn't answer,

**To Sander**  
_Where'd you go? I'm worried_

Deciding to go find the boy himself Robbe quickly gets dressed leaving the hotel room, rushing down the stairs he gets to the empty lobby with a man half asleep behind the check-in counter. "Excuse me did a guy with white here come down here?" The man just points to the entrance without a reply

Walking towards the door Robbe sees him, "Sander!" He calls out as he watches the boy climb into a car, before he can make it the car pulls away but not before Robbe sees who the driver is.

—  
**2 days before**

How'd he do it? Sander asks himself, how did he manage to get a boy like Robbe to fall for him? A boy so loving and considerate, Robbe literally didn't know how much of a prince he was and that's understandable. No one has given Robbe the kind of love he deserves, the kind of love that makes being in the closet, putting others before him, and falling for his best friend worth it.

There wasn't a thing about the boy Sander didn't love, the way his wide smile causes those lines, his beautiful doe eyes Sander swear will be the death of him, or maybe it was his pretty, shiny curls. Whatever it was, Sander was infatuated and Robbe was starting to notice.

"You're doing it again," Robbe says with a smile, and his eyes still locked in his textbook. He isn't sure how he does it but Robbe can always feel when Sander is practically undressing him with his eyes.

They're in Robbe's room doing homework together, Sander is sat at Robbe's desk with the perfect view of Robbe lying on his stomach twirling his pencil between his lips.

"Sorry it's hard for me not to stare when you're laying there looking so fucking good"

Chuckling Robbe moves his eyes from the pages to the boy sitting at his desk, "don't say things like that Sander we have to focus, you have a quiz on Friday."

Shutting his textbook Sander sighs, "but I already know all this stuff" he complains sinking in his seat, "and I know you do too." Getting up Robbe watches Sander walk over and shut his notebook. Sitting on the bed Sander pulls Robbe closer and the boy lays his head in his boyfriend's lap. "I suggest we take a much-needed break," sighing defeated Robbe knows there's nothing he'll say to make Sander go back to studying so he just gives in. Leaning down Sander meets his boy's lips and they begin to share a kiss.

Robbe knows how easily they can get carried away, but he also knows as soon as he gets to this point with Sander— "Robbe I need your help," that always happens. Milan bursts into his room then stops when he sees what they're doing, with a grin he asks "ooo am I interrupting sexy time?"

"Milan seriously?"

Ignoring the annoyed boy Milan looks at Sander, "hi Sander" he smiles

"Hey Milan," Sander happily greets back

"I just need someone's help real quick then I'll get out of you guys' hair, so which one?" He holds up 2 shirts on hangers, "and before you ask Robbe, she's out with Senne, and I have a date in 10 minutes but I can't decide."

"The red one," Sander points

"Really?" Milan looks at the shirt skeptically, "you don't think it's too much for a first date?"

Jumping off the bed before Sander can reply, Robbe storms towards Milan, "he said the red one now go!" He holds the door waiting for Milan to get out

"Fine grumpy," Milan turns to the door but turns back, "thanks for your help, Sander," he puts emphasis on the boy's name as he passes Robbe.

Upset and feeling himself fuming Robbe climbs back in bed burying his face in Sander's lap, "I hate it here" he mumbles angrily

Snorting trying his best not to laugh Sander strokes the boy's curls and replies, "no you don't"

Turning around now laying on his back with his head still in Sander's lap, Robbe looks up at him, after a deep sigh he says, "I know but this will keep happening, and at this rate, _it's_ never going to happen."

"What's never going to happen?" Sander asks

"Us..." the boy gestures with his eyes giving sander clear signs

"You mean sex?" Sander smiles and Robbe nods, "then say it"

Too shy to keep his eyes in Sander's as he says it, Robbe looks past him at the ceiling and says, "I want to have sex with you"

With a grin, Sander leans down planting a kiss on Robbe's forehead, "okay"

"Okay?" Robbe chuckles at the vague reply

"Yeah," Sander pulls himself out from under Robbe's head going back to his seat, "Don't worry your pretty little head, Robin, I'll take care of everything."

Robbe watches as the boy takes out his phone excitedly typing something into it.

It's been like this the last couple of days, when they hang out whether it's after school after a date, they'd get home all hot and bothered ready to go all the way. Then someone interrupts ruining the mood, and Sander can tell sexual frustration makes for a grumpy Robbe.

But Sander can't lie he was reveling in this, he liked watching Robbe squirm when he wanted it but knew they had no real privacy. Sander knows he's a big tease and he lives for it, so does Robbe really, but he'll never admit that.

"300 dollars Sander what could you possibly need that for?" His mom walks into the kitchen as the boy eats his dinner, "and sit down you know I hate it when you eat standing up"

"Sorry," he walks to the table dropping the plate on the table and his butt in the chair, "and I needed the money for school, a project" he lies without fail

"Oh," the woman looks at her phone screen then asks, "a room at The Augustin Plaza is for a school project?"

Putting the fork his about to put in his mouth down Sander looks at his mom, "why are you monitoring me? I'm 18, can't I have some freedom?"

"You have your freedom Sander," for the most part he thinks, "but this is the third time in the last 6 weeks you've spent such huge amounts of money on your card, and you always lie about it. It's always for some school project we never get to—"

"Fine, it's not for school!" Sander confesses

"Obviously, what's it for then?" She stares at her son waiting for an honest answer

Sander could keep lying but he didn't want to anymore, not about this at least. Wiping his mouth the boy clears his throat then meets his mom's gaze, "can you sit down, please? I have to tell you something"

Sitting down his mom asks, "what?"

"Don't freak out its nothin bad... at least I don't think it is," she nods. Taking a beat to muster all the right words Sander starts, "I met someone, his name is Robbe and I'm in love with him—"

"Wait," she stops him, "he is a he?" Sander nods and so does she, "ok, and Britt?"

"We broke up"

"Really when?" She asks surprised

"Like 2 weeks ago but it doesn't matter, did you hear the part where I said I was in love with him?"

"Yes, I did"

"And it doesn't freak you out?"

"No honey," she smiles, "if you're in love with them clearly it's because something about them makes you happy, that could never freak me out." Sander can't help but be in awe of his mom, sometimes he forgets he can trust her. Well it's not really his fault, when Sander's MI gets the best of him he can't help but see her as an enemy

"What do you think dad will say when I tell him?"

She shrugs, "I can't speak for him but your father supports you no matter what, always remember that." Sander nods, "so back to the room..." This is where it gets awkward for them, how does he talk about this part with her? What could she possibly have to tell him about 2 guys in a hotel room together? "Do you know what you're doing?" Sander's mom asks and the boy nods, "and you'll be safe?"

"Yes, mama always"

"Okay, then I'm happy for you and this... what was his name?"

"Robbe," Sander repeats it with a smile

"I'm happy for you and Robbe," she stands kissing her son on the top of his head covered in white hair. "And whenever you're ready to tell your father, I've got your back, ok?"

"Okay," she lets him go back to his dinner feeling better he got that off his chest.

—

 **From Robbe**  
_Please can't I just get one hint?_ 🥺

 **To Robbe**  
_Be patient Robin... but I kind of like seeing you beg_ 😏

 **From Robbe**  
_You get off on being a tease, don't you?_ 🙄 _so unfair I can't wait an entire day_

**To Robbe**  
_It'll be worth it, trust me_

**From Robbe**  
_You have no concept of what I think is or isn't worth it_

**To Robbe**  
_Aren't I worth it?_

**From Robbe**  
_Yes of course you are, but if it were up to me we could do it anywhere... that's how worth it you are_

**To Robbe**  
_Don't say things like that to me when I'm going to bed Robbe, I might not be able to wake up from the dream I'll have tonight_

**From Robbe**  
😂 _you're not the only one who can be a tease, now get some sleep Mr. Driesen you have a quiz tomorrow_

 **To Robbe**  
_Dream about me, ik hou van jou_ ❤️

 **From Robbe**  
_Altijd, ik hou ook van jou_ 😘

_—_

Ruffling around the bathroom cabinets Senne stops when he sees the boy frantically looking for something, "lost something?" He asks while Robbe is crouched down under the sink

Turning he takes a breath than asks, "where are the condoms?"

"They finished but I got a box the other day— hang on," Senne walks to his room then walks back out handing Robbe the unopened box of condoms. Opening it Robbe takes a couple then places the box in the cabinet shutting everything. "Hot date?" Senne asks

"I think so,"

"So Sander?" Senne asks leaning against the wall while the boys stand in the narrow hall, "you guys are getting serious, huh?"

"Yeah I guess we are"

"I think it's cool," Senne smiles, "now all we have to do is find someone for Milan then we'll all be able to live in peace."

"If only—" Robbe is interrupted getting a text on his phone

**From Sander**  
_Augustin Plaza. One hour._

Robbe smiles, he's never read a vaguer text. Looking at Senne he asks, "where's Augustin Plaza?"

"The hotel?"

"It's a hotel?" Robbe asks shocked, "what is he up to?" He mumbles the question as he types a text to Sander

**To Sander**  
_A hotel? What are you up to?_

**From Sander**  
_Come here and find out_ 😘

 _"_ I have to go" the boy shakes his head, "I'll see you later"

"Later," Senne watches him walk away before entering his room.

Putting on his jacket Robbe leaves his apartment on his bike riding all the way to the hotel. It takes him about 45 minutes, and the rest of the time the boy spends standing outside the gorgeous building gawking at it. This place is too fancy for him Robbe thinks. Why didn't he change? Hoodie and jeans make no sense at a 5-star hotel. He definitely did not belong somewhere this expensive-looking, what was Sander thinking?

Taking the extra 15 minutes to freak out, Robbe thinks he got it all out when he dismounts his bike leaning it against the wall.

**To Sander**  
_I'm here and I already can't believe you_

**From Sander**  
_Please give it a chance first, I'll be down to get you._

Give this a chance? Can a place like this give Robbe a chance?

The boy's jaw drops as he scans the large lobby filled with busybodies going about their business. This place is surreal, definitely not what the boy is used to, how can Sander even do something like this?

" _Dag cutie_ ," Robbe hears behind him and jumps, he turns around to a laughing Sander who Robbe lightly bunches in the chest. Stealing a quick kiss from the boy Sander asks, "surprised?"

"What are we doing here, Sander?" Robbe continues looking around

"If I remember correctly, someone complained we didn't have enough alone time"

"Yeah but we could've found some at my place or possibly yours, not a 5-star hotel"

"Why not?" Sander shrugs, "the room has a super big bed, all the room service we want, and no one to walk in on us. Come you have to see our suite." Sander grabs the boy's hand about to take him to the stairs but Robbe doesn't budge.

Sander turns to him and Robbe whispers, "we can't Sander, all of that sounds too expensive"

Licking his lips Sander moves closer to his boyfriend, reaching his nose to Robbe's not caring that they're in a lobby full of people, Sander gently rubs his nose against Robbe's to calm him down. Grazing his lips against the boy's for a quick kiss, Sander pulls away and with his fingers massaging Robbe's curls he says, "nothing is too expensive for you, ok?" With a slight nod, Robbe is ready to go now

Guiding him up the stairs, Robbe tries his best not to ogle while they walk down the hall heading towards the room.

Unlocking the door for his boyfriend Sander holds it open as Robbe walks in, he wasn't even in awe anymore this was passed panic, how could Sander afford all of this? Robbe didn't feel like he was worth any of this.

Sander wasn't kidding about the big bed, Robbe walks deeper into the suite and sees a table covered in food, passed that is the bathroom with the big glass shower and the tub, he wants to climb in that tub already.

Turning to face Sander they smile at each other and Sander lifts his feet stepping close, slowly wrapping his arms around the boy's waist he holds Robbe close and asks, "what are you thinking about?"

"I'm thinking about how unbelievable you are, and what I did to deserve you or something like this."

"Robbe IJzermans you're an angle who deserves everything," he reaches a hand up stroking the boy's cheek, "and I'm going to try my best to give it to you."

"Thank you," Robbe is sure that Sander can hear how hard his heart is beating, this beautiful, amazing, guy chose to love him. He's never been so lucky

"You don't have to thank me, just loving me is enough"

With a soft chuckle, Robbe replies, "I do, I love you the most."

Standing in the middle of the big hotel room with their arms around each other, Sander moves his lips until he can taste Robbe's. They didn't have to rush tonight, with a slow kiss to start Robbe already had a tight grip on Sander's shirt hoping to keep him close. Sander reaches up slowly pulling his boy's jacket off him, not minding it as it falls on the floor Robbe deepens the kiss as soft moans escape his lips, the feeling of Sander's fingers finding their way under his sweatshirt felt too good.

Parting their lips Robbe trails kisses towards Sander's exposed neck, massaging the boy's spot with his lips, Sander shuts his eyes unable to handle how Robbe is making him feel.

Finding as much courage as he can Sander says, "We should eat dinner, foods getting cold"

"I'm not hungry," Robbe replies before kissing his boyfriend again.

Yes he had a whole plan, but Sander knew as soon as they got here they wouldn't be able to get past this part, Robbe didn't want to wait he couldn't. They've wanted each other so bad that this was the only thing that mattered, they can worry about food later.

—

Now cuddled in bed after a much-needed shower that lead to more sex, the boys were spent. With his head against Robbe's chest, Sander listens to the boy's heart beating finding the sound so soothing.

This is where he wants to be but Sander can't help what was going on in his mind, the self-defeating thoughts he's trying so hard to fight. All he wanted was one night with Robbe and it's like he can't even get that, but he's strong and Robbe has him. The mania won't win this time.

Robbe plants soft kisses against the boy's head as he runs his fingers through his bleached fringes, he doesn't know anything could be wrong but he could tell Sander was far away no matter how close they are right now.

"Do you like it?" Robbe asks as Sander plays with his angel pendant, Sander nods continue to keep his focus on the necklace, "my mom gave it to me, it's supposed to protect me and be with me when I'm not with her."

"Does it work?"

"Yeah, even when I'm not with her it feels like she's always with me"

Letting out a sigh Sander replies, "you're my angel pendant"

With a soft chuckle, Robbe reciprocates, "and you are mine," then plants a kiss on the boy's forehead.

They continue to talk about everything and nothing until Robbe falls asleep, and Sander is left alone wide awake with his inner demons getting the best of him.

—  
**Monday 12:32**

He can hear the faint sound of Jens's voice talking next to him as they walk in the hall but Robbe was far away, in the middle of the night on Saturday his boyfriend left him in the hotel alone and hasn't answered a call or text since. Robbe isn't even sure who to talk to about this, but he knows who to ask about it.

"Who are you looking for?" Jens asks watching his best friend's eyes frantically scanning everyone in the hallways, "Robbe—" before he can say anything Robbe storms off

Charging for his target Robbe stops in front of the girl talking to her friends, not caring he cuts them off asking, "where is he?" Britt turns to him confused and he continues, "I saw you picking him up so tell me where he is, and why he was with you."

Britt smiles enjoying how clueless Robbe is, "how the tables have turned"

"Please Britt I just need to talk to him, he won't answer me and I don't know what's wrong"

"Just leave him alone Robbe"

"No!" He barks and Jens grabs him

"Woah what's going on with you dude?"

Feeling tears welling up Robbe's chest begins rising as he's finding it hard to breathe, "Sander's not talking to me and she was with him, and I just need her to tell me where he is"

Jens's heart aches watching his best friend cry in front of everyone, turning to the girl he asks, "Britt can't you just tell him where Sander is?"

Sighing she answers, "he checked himself into a mental institution"

Both Robbe and Jens freeze hearing that, shaking his head Robbe says, "bullshit you're lying, why would he do that?"

"Because he's sick Robbe!" Britt barks at them storming off into the courtyard,

Following behind her Jens asks, "what do you mean he's sick?"

Turning around Britt rolls her eyes not wanting to explain but feels like she has to or they won't leave her alone. "Sander is bipolar ok? And now because of Robbe he's manic," both boys stare at her dumbfounded, more so Robbe who has no earthly idea what she means. "Confused?" She looks at the boy and he doesn't get a chance to answer, "when he met you he was fighting off an episode and meeting you just made it worse. He doesn't love you, ok? You were just some fixation because that's what Sander does, when he's like this he has to find something to focus on and that's all you were, ok? So just leave us alone... you've already done enough." She storms off leaving Robbe there, tears streaming from his eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!! 
> 
> Comment and let me know what you thought of the chapter.


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